She doesn't want children anymore

Hello, and Merry Christmas!

It sounds like you and your partner get along really well and have had a great relationship, and I can imagine that's very disappointing. I don't know how much you've talked with her about the rationale for this--whether this is something related to her career goals or health, etc., but the key here is going to be about communication. Ultimately, you may decide to end the relationship based on you and her having this major difference of opinion, but before that is considered, having some conversations about what has changed and how you are feeling about this change is imperative. Perhaps she has gone back and forth on the decision as to whether to have kids and maybe this will change again, but after three years in the relationship it is important to talk about where you see the relationship going and determine whether you and her are a good fit as a couple, not only because you enjoy spending time with each other, but also because you have compatible life goals. 

If you haven't already, ask your partner to commit to a time free of distractions when you and her can have a thorough, frank discussion about what each of you wants in life--where you envision yourselves individually and as a couple being a year or two from now with regards to lifestyle, career, location, etc. Make sure your partner is feeling heard and that her feelings are validated--try to be a good listener and understand where she is coming from. Maybe it's a place of fear, or ambivalence, or maybe her life goals have simply changed. Try to let her know that you're listening to her--you can reflect back what she's saying or paraphrase her words. Speak with "I feel" statements, focusing on how you are feeling, and avoid blaming or attacking while also being firm with regards to what you want in the relationship. 

If it's been difficult to have this conversation verbally, I suggest writing a letter or email to her with how you feel. Some people communicate more effectively in this manner, and she may be someone who prefers reflecting on what you're writing and responding when she is ready. Many people also benefit from participating in couples' therapy. It can be a great opportunity for a couple to have an unbiased party present who can help guide the conversation and make sure that each person is being and feeling heard. Whether to stay in this relationship or leave it is a major decision, and before abandoning it completely, given the length of time that you have felt happy in this relationship, I encourage you to reach out for therapy to help both of you discuss how you're feeling about the situation. 

Take care,

Nicholas DeFazio, MRC, LPCC-S, LICDC