Ask a therapist > Relationships > Should I break up with my boyfriend or try to make it work?

Should I break up with my boyfriend or try to make it work?

My boyfriend is a narcissist. He put so much efforts at the start of the relationship that I believed he genuinely cared about me. He is possessive and clingy. He emotionally manipulates me and makes me feel guilty when things don't happen on his terms. If he does something I did not like, he would project the blame on me or bring up something else that I have done wrong previously. He's never apologetic for his mistakes. He gets defensive when I complain about something and always has excuses ready. He does not take accountability for his actions and cannot take criticism. He thinks he is always right. When proven wrong, he defends himself with silly excuses. He does not put efforts anymore and never makes me feel special even on special occasions. I am putting more efforts in this relationship yet he says I haven't done anything for him. It's draining my energy and stressing me out. I always feel insecure about him cheating on me. I feel like I am losing my self-esteem and sense of identity being with him.

Asked by Sam

Relationships

Dating

Answered

05/13/2022

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. My name is Radka Kozielova and I am working for Better Health as a therapist.

I think from everything you have confided in your letter you already have your answer. Reaching out is a great start to finding the confidence to leave this very unhealthy relationship. From what you have said your current partner does fit into the Narcissist profile.

Let's talk about why you would allow yourself to be in this volatile relationship. When a partner controls you they chip away at your confidence, your personality, and other relationships like friends and family. Please do not under any circumstances allow this man to continue to control you. You deserve so much more and you are enough. People with Narcissistic personalities will never accept blame, they manipulate, control, and thrive on bringing others down. Think about how you would react if a family member or friend told you they were in this kind of unhealthy relationship. He has already made you feel like you can do nothing right even to the point of you being unsure if you should leave this relationship.

You have taken your first steps to leave this unhealthy place by reaching out, now you need to build on your confidence to walk away and leave the cloud over you behind you.

Always remember who you really are, not who he says you are. Remember you deserve to be respected, loved, and cared for. You already know that this person isn’t right for you and it will never matter how much you change yourself or love him, he will not change for you.

I understand how manipulation works and constantly being put down or scared, or worried is not good for your physical or mental health.

I would be very happy to support you through your journey every step of the way. You are not alone, you are enough and you deserve so much more from a partner.

Radka

Mrs. Radka Kozielova

BACP