To what extent is it healthy to change for your partner/give up on some of your dreams/compromise?

Hello Estella, this is a very good question and not an easy one to answer. It is completely normal to question the extent and validity of changing for one's partner, including the decision not to pursue one's own personal desires and goals. The short answer is that there is no hard and fast rule or means of measurement by which one can judge another in this matter as the situation is personal to you, your partner, and your relationship so I would take with caution any comments from any source about what 'should' be done or what is healthy and what is not in this regard. The fact that you are asking this question suggests that you are unhappy with the present situation and I wonder if and how you have communicated where you stand on the subject with your partner and whether there are any opportunities for you and him to discuss this in a new way with the mutual goal of you both being happy with the decided outcome.

You state that you have clashing priorities and that he is career-focused whilst you want to create a family. In theory, these conflicting points of focus could be highly compatible. If you and your partner's goals have no overlap i.e. if he does not want children or does not want to settle down then you may find yourselves at an impasse that can't be mutually compromised around however it sounds like there is some overlap and you both have the desire to come up with a plan for a life together that works.

Long-distance relationships can be very challenging and whilst nothing you have said suggests the following, it is the case that sometimes it can be quite easy to lead someone on through a long-distance relationship. You have spent 5 years together in the relationship and I am wondering what has prevented you both from already situating yourselves closer together. Some other questions that come to mind in response to your post include: What are you being asked to give up and compromise on specifically? Is there equal or near equal consideration from your partner i.e. what is he willing to give up and compromise on? If you 'put yourselves in each other's shoes' as an exercise what thoughts or questions come to mind? If both of you genuinely love one another and want to build your future together I am sure that you will both do what you can to communicate and forge a path forward. Maybe another good idea would be for both of you to write a list of your non-negotiables, and another list of the things you would like and hope for but are willing to compromise on, then when you discuss these lists together it should become clearer as to whether a future plan would be likely to work. I hope that helps!