Toxic 32 MARRAGE. Bipolar alcoholic angry lying Husband

You took a very difficult step by leaving your toxic marriage of 32 years. When trapped in a cycle of negative interactions and abuse, being under constant strain of fight or flight can trigger us to behave in ways that are not typical of ourselves. It sounds like the turmoil in your relationship was to the point that you were engaging back towards him in a way that was not typical of how you would normally interact. Being homeless for any length of time is incredibly stressful and can make it difficult to cope with other stressors you are experiencing. You indicated that you stood by him when no one else would, which can leave intense feelings of hurt when the relationship ends. Getting over the trauma of abuse can take time, be patient with yourself when it comes to the healing process. 

You indicated that you cannot get him out of your head. The process of continuously thinking about the same thoughts, which tend to be sad or dark, is called rumination. A habit of rumination can be damaging to your mental health, as it can prolong or intensify depression as well as impact your ability to think and process emotions. It may also cause you to feel isolated and can, in reality, push people away. When we ruminate it can make it difficult to focus on any other area of life. Rumination makes it hard to notice anything positive that is going on in our life, furthering the distressing feelings. Once you get stuck in a ruminating thought cycle, it can be hard to get out of it. If you do enter a cycle of such thoughts, it’s important to stop them as quickly as possible to prevent them from becoming more intense. One of the ways we can stop ruminating is by making an action plan based on what we can control in the situation. Instead of repeating the same negative thought over and over again, take that thought and make a plan to take action on reducing the thought or changing the situation that we are ruminating over. In your head, outline each step you need to take to address the problem, or write it down on a piece of paper. Be as specific as possible and also realistic with your expectations. Doing this will disrupt your rumination. It will also help you move forward in the attempt to get a negative thought out of your head once and for all. Another thing that you can try is to question our thoughts. We often ruminate when we think we’ve made a major mistake or when something traumatic has happened to us that we feel responsible for. If you start ruminating on a troubling thought, try putting your repetitive thought in perspective. Thinking more about how your troubling thought might not be accurate may help you stop ruminating because you realize the thought may not be accurate or based on facts.