What can I do? I know I should stop thinking about him and move on. I don't want to be jealous.

Hi Annie, I went to first start off by saying I am really happy that you have reached out for support to help get you through this really painful time in your life. Break ups - even if they are amicable - can be extremely hard to navigate because they come with a lot of change. I hope that my response can give you a bit of insight on how to move forward in the healthiest way possible.

Even though this may seem like the last thing you want to do, allowing yourself to feel all your emotions can be vital in the healing process. The feelings of jealousy because of his actions, sadness in losing a relationship, and maybe even depression, while painful, are completely valid and understandable emotions to have for someone in your situation. You may even notice that some of your feelings may line up with the stages of grief, which include shock, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. I know for most people when they think of the stages of grief, they think it may only apply to someone who has lost someone through death, however I believe it can be applied to any type of loss that someone may experience in their life. Being aware of what the stages of grief are, can help you normalize some of the emotions that you may be feeling right now. One thing to keep in mind is that they are not linear, so you don't necessarily check them off your list and you feel them until you get to acceptance and completely move on. You may think that you are fully accepting of the break up and then have feelings of sadness come back up for you, this is perfectly normal. You may find that in time you cycle through the stages of grief quicker and quicker. 

I also want to add that even though I'm sure you are not wanting to think of your ex, it is very hard, if not impossible to not have that person on your mind. I imagine that they were a very important person in your life while you were together so it can be really hard to completely turn off any emotions that you may have towards that person or thoughts of memories that you have had.

There are a few coping skills that I think can be helpful to get you through this time. The first one I recommend would be reaching out to the support that you have in your life and surrounding yourself with people who care about you. Isolating yourself, and avoiding positive supports could contribute to stronger feelings of depression or disconnection. If you are a writer, journaling can be a wonderful coping skill. Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper in a non-judgmental space can be extremely therapeutic. Also, identifying things that you are grateful for throughout the day can also help to keep your mind in a healthy place, and increase happiness. I would add on to that, identifying the things you value could be helpful too. I can imagine you value loyalty given you ended a relationship who clearly did not demonstrate that value. Consider what your core values are in life and how you want to respect those values (such as showing loyalty to your relationships, possibly having a future partner who has some of your core values, etc.). And, of course, physical activity can also do wonders for mental health! Taking time to focus on your physical, mental, and emotional health is the greatest gift you can give yourself right now. And as course as a counselor I would recommend working with a therapist if you need that addition support to get through any painful emotions that may come up. 

Again, I am so happy that you reached out for help and wish you nothing but the best. I hope that this was helpful!