What do I do if someone I loved started isolating themselves because they wanted to be alone?

First of all, I validate all that you have expressed and feel at this moment.  I know that the behavior that your friend is displaying is very hurtful, and I want to let you know I witness your pain. You may be wondering what is behind the isolation and guard that your partner has up. It is very likely that your partner may be pushing you away to safeguard their vulnerable mental and emotional state. In such cases, when a person constantly distances themselves it might be a strong indication that they are emotionally unavailable. Please note that this has nothing to do with you but often how the person sees themselves.

When a person does not like themselves or can not obtain peace within themselves it is not uncommon for them to push people away.  Often this can give risk to a cycle of disfunctional patterns of behavior where the person begins to let down their guard and starts to get close with someone. However, when the person reaches a certain point they shut down and go back into their cocoon. Fear can play a huge factor in this type of behavior.

Where does the fear come from you might be asking. It might stem from that person being sensitive to rejection. The fear of being rejected can cause people to avoid disappointmet and hurt at all cost.  Therefore, your friend might have his or her guard up to avoid being hurt or disappointed. Fear of abandonment is a huge factor in people avoiding getting close to people in a relationship. Many times people feel that when they let their guard down in a relationship they are giving up their control.

I want to stress that no matter how much you want to help your friend, they must be inclined to change, which will be half the battle. It will be vital that your friend acknowledges and gets to the root of why he constantly pushes people away that they get close to. At this point, all you can do is be there for support and be a listening ear. As well, I think it might be helpful for your friend to seek out therapy separately to work through where the fear of abandonment and rejection stem from. The quicker your friend works through his or her unresolved emotions that is creating irrational thoughts and behaviors, the sooner your friend can form healthy and loving relationships. I hope this was helpful for you.