What do you do when you're upset with your wife?

In my life I have found that I tend to engage in conflict most with the people that I care most about. My theory behind this is that the people that we love the most are the relationships that we feel most compelled to work through, and at times this may cause the emotional tension in the relationship to become high. When engaging in conflict with people that we care less about we tend to just walk away or not try hard to fix the conflict at hand with that person. If you and your wife seem to be particularly sensitive in regards to deep issues with each other it is likely because the care that you have for each other is so strong. 

 

All the said, I'm sure that you still would like to work on this issue so that the discussions that you have feel less emotionally stressful and distressing. You mentioned that you like to typically come to a quick agreement to end the discussion as soon as possible, which is an understandable desire. If your wife has a contrasting viewpoints I'm wondering if there was a way that you can negotiate to meet somewhere in the middle with both of your needs. In life, sometimes we become emotionally exhausted and we feel unable to engage in difficult and stressful conversations at the moment. I feel that this is understandable and I've experienced that when I vocalize this exhaustion, my loved ones are generally very understanding and are willing to put a pause on the conversation. I like to say something along the lines of this "I would like to have this important conversation with you, but at the moment I don't feel that I would be able to give you the appropriate level of energetic and emotional investment that this conversation deserves, can I let you know when I'm ready to talk". My loved ones seem to appreciate this response, as it allows me to set the emotional boundary in a way that is non confrontational and still showing care and desire to work on the relationship. There may be times when someone demands that the conversation happen immediately and that's something to be prepared for. 

 

I think the most important thing to remember is that it's okay to be upset and frustrated at times with any relationship. What is critical is that you are able to practice coping skills to not allow this sadness and frustration to overwhelm you and hurt the relationship. I sincerely wish you the best with this topic and I hope that something that I wrote helps to improve the relationship with your wife.