What do you when you feel like your husband is lying about something simple?

Hello Sunshine,

This can be a tricky situation to address. You mention you feel as though he is gaslighting. Why is this? Have there been other, similar situations such as this that have occurred? How frequently is he engaging in these types of behaviors?

At times, when the communication pattern becomes strained in a relationship, frustrations and other passive-aggressive behaviors unfortunately become the norm. Before "letting this go" ask yourself "why". For example, "why would my husband lie to me", "why does he think I saw him use the powder". Reflect on the current state of your relationship. Have you been arguing lately, have you become 'distant' from each other, what does 'quality-time' look like in the relationship? Does every interaction with your husband turn into a situation of gaslighting?

While there is minimal information included in your question that would provide additional background with regards to the current state of your relationship, I will attempt to offer some guidance here. Most issues in relationships that are not related to some physical/sexual/financial abuse or exploitation are generally a cause of poor communication.

Are you and your husband capable of having discussions regarding relationship concerns that do not escalate into arguments or one of you disconnecting and shutting down? If you are still capable of engaging in dialogue, and your relationship is not one fraught with violence, I would highly recommend sitting with your husband and discussing your feelings when he makes claims such as the one you have shared here. As you share your feelings, allow him the opportunity to also share his. You may find that you both are harboring feelings of persecution and ridicule from the other. Once you are both able to openly share and express your feelings, you can then begin to acknowledge one another's feelings and work toward a solution to reduce future communication mishaps.

If you find that as you attempt to speak with your husband regarding this situation that he continues to become upset or escalated, then take a break from the conversation. Allow time for him to calm down and reset emotionally and for you to do the same. The key to effective communication is for you both to be heard and not just passively listening waiting for the other to stop talking so that can the other can interject a point. 

I hope this helps provide some guidance with your concern. Take care.

Dr. G