What to do when attraction is gone?

Attraction can fluctuate or change for any reason. When it begins to fade, or even disappears, it can be very scary. Especially during situations where there has been a merging of lives, a serious relationship has been formed, or there are other serious circumstances, such as children, to consider. The important thing to remember is that attraction can come back or be retrieved. And, even if it cannot, it does not mean that something better won’t come as a result of it.

The first step in determining whether or not attraction can come back is to try and trace the source of the attraction fading in the first place. Was it a change in the relationship or a change in the person? Did major life shifts make it more difficult to maintain the relationship the way that it was? By determining if there is an explanation for the attraction ceasing, one can start to weigh their options as far as how much effort they wish to implement in seeking ways to rekindle it.

However, sometimes, people just have a “gut feeling” that the attraction is gone and it won’t come back. It is okay to feel this way! Change is one of the only constants that we will experience throughout our lives. This means that our feelings will also change as often as we will. When attraction is gone, it is important to be honest with yourself and honest with the other person that this change has occurred.

The final piece of advice that I give to people when they are experiencing a loss of attraction is to be gentle with themselves. This shift in emotions can be hard. Even if the attraction is gone, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be complicated emotions or lingering love for the other person. It can be easy to blame yourself or internalize a lot of shame around loss of attraction. But, the truth is, sometimes there is no one to blame when attraction is gone. The best thing that a person can do when they are experiencing this is to practice self-acceptance and forgiveness. By doing this, someone can start to both process their emotions as well as take the necessary steps in being honest about them with another person.