what to do when behavior is contrary to attitude?

In order to know what to do when behavior is contrary to attitude it is helpful to understand how behavior and attitude are related. Attitude is a reflection of people’s thoughts and feelings and especially their opinions and passions about various topics. When people talk about attitude it’s more than the personality traits, it is an expression of their whole ‘self’ coming out. It is really hard to hide your attitude. Children and adolescents definitely have a hard time hiding it and even some adults! If something doesn’t sit right it’s pretty hard to ignore. The attitude might start to come through as anxiety, defensiveness, talkativeness, or being overly quiet. Attitude can also be reflected in responding to a situation that makes us uncomfortable. It is largely a reaction if not explored internally. Behavior is the cornerstone and the center of everything because it is what we are doing with our ‘whole’ selves that the world sees. Behavior encompasses everything said and not said, body language, both verbal and nonverbal.

Pointing out the incongruence

When behavior does not match attitude typically this looks like incongruence. Imagine a student stating that they are studying for a very long time and that school is extremely important to them and they do nothing behaviorally to show these attitudes like no studying or preparation. When it comes to children, parents can utilize children’s books teaching about behavior and emotions to point out this incongruence. By using a visual and using a story it is less threatening to a child to absorb this information. By teaching how to match attitude with behavior this will go a long way and them being able to become more self-aware. In adult relationships it might be a little more difficult to point out the incongruence between attitude and behavior if communication is difficult with your partner, coworker, or friend. By choosing the right time to speak and by pointing it out in a way that is observing, compassionate, and loving will help. Even if you don’t get the result that you had hoped for in this exchange it will serve you well to communicate for yourself what is happening in front of you does not make sense. Making a conscious decision to keep boundaries and know what is okay for you will help. It can be a difficult task to communicate to someone when you clearly see that their behavior does not match their attitude and they can be confusing for the receiver. Behavior is a pretty strong indicator of exactly what people want for themselves and for others while attitude and words can sometimes be what is ‘painted on’ to convince someone otherwise.