What To Do When Childhood Trauma Affects Relationships?

Trauma can have significant effects on all kinds of relationships. However, there are strategies to reduce the effects of the trauma and improve the quality of relationships.

If you are the Survivor

If you have survived trauma, it is important to recognize that you absolutely can have happy, healthy relationships. Participating in mental health treatment can include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), learning and practicing mindfulness strategies, and taking prescription medication. While it can be difficult for many trauma survivors to communicate with others about their experiences, having a conversation with your partner, when you are ready, about what happened, what tends to trigger you, and how the trauma affects you can be helpful. You may want to let your partner know when you feel the safest and when you feel the most afraid or uncomfortable.

If you are the Partner of the Survivor

If you are in a relationship with someone who has experienced trauma, it is important to understand that recovery from trauma is a journey for the survivor. It is not your job to “fix” or “rescue” your partner, but it is important to understand how the trauma currently affects your partner. Some trauma survivors may have difficulty trusting others, fear abandonment, feel uncomfortable with sexual activity, often feel on edge, have nightmares, and may slowly or quickly become emotionally attached to others. It is important to avoid taking the survivor’s response to trauma personally. It is also important to understand that discussing the trauma can be distressing, and there can be triggers for the trauma that may appear random. Helping the survivor feel comfortable and listening to him can be helpful. Remember that there is no “right way” for a survivor of trauma to act. Showing understanding, empathy, compassion, and patience can help improve the relationship. It may be helpful to encourage that your partner participates in mental health treatment, but keep in mind that trauma generally places people in the sense of not having control, so pushing a partner to talk about the trauma or seek help can be met with resistance. Again, it is not your job to “fix” or “rescue” your partner.