What to do when marriage is hard

Hi, thank you for reaching out to us at BetterHelp. My name is Stacey Shine, and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I read over your question and am hopeful that I can help.

You asked what to do when marriage is hard. First, I think it is okay to feel like it is hard! That is sometimes the hardest step. Marriage is not easy and is not always filled with good times.  Second, it is also important to figure out your expectations for marriage. One common thing that I do in therapy with people is to make sure that they know their expectations for the marriage and that they also know what their spouse expects. I would suggest actually writing those out on a piece of paper. Once you both have your expectations listed, it is much easier to figure out if you are on the same page or drastically off. If you are not on the same page as your spouse, this is not a cause for panic. It is more than an intentional conversation that needs to happen to make sure you two know which way you are headed and are willing to stick out the hard time figuring things out.  If you feel like things are still hard and you cannot figure them out on your own, there is always marriage counseling available to you. It is helpful to have a third party who is not connected to either of you. You can have a safe space to freely talk about whatever is going on and have someone there to make sure each person is heard. I think marriage counseling is worth doing once a year, even when you have your best year of marriage and things are easy. There is always room for growth and reflection, and this is a good space to do it.

I hope I was able to answer your question and give you some things to think about. Know that you are not alone in feeling like marriage can be difficult at times. Would you please reach out to us if you want to sign up for counseling and get some more in-depth discussion going?