What to do when relationships get hard?

Relationships can be a fun and beautiful experience to have for a lot of people.  When we achieve anything in life that is enjoyable and long-term, it is naturally going to have hard times, and relationships are no exception.  It can be easy to get confused and question what to do when relationships get hard.  One important step to take when your relationship gets hard is to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship.  Often, when things get hard, it can be difficult to pick up on the good, so weighing the pros and cons can hopefully help you see the full picture. 

As you look at the pros and cons, it can be helpful to set very specific goals for the cons if you two are going to stay together.  Sometimes couples struggle with setting specific goals and end up setting very broad goals, which can feel pretty overwhelming.  For example, some couples will set a goal to be happier, but that is very broad, and every person has a different definition of what happiness looks like.  Therefore, it is important to get more specific with it, such as specific qualities that lead to happiness.  As you come up with those goals, make sure to try to be solution-focused on those.  Being solution-focused can help me feel like things are forward-moving rather than tied to a difficult past. 

When things get hard in a relationship, it is important to accept that hard times can also be moments of growth.  When we go through a hard time in a relationship, it can be bad, but getting on the other side of it can lead to more confidence in the relationship.  If there can be this kind of acceptance, that can help add to the scariness of the hard times.  Some people might need to take a break during a hard time to help them productively collect their thoughts and feelings.  Just make sure that once you connect, that you and your partner have specific ways of re-connecting and re-engaging.