What would cause a person to cheat on their mate while constantly looking for love, real love??

Thank you for the question.  It must be very difficult to address this topic.  Cheating and or infidelity can be extremely complex and often there is not just one reason for the behavior.  Every relationship requires work and an active acknowledgement that the relationship will not be without its challenges.  

An individual needs to identify the type of relationship that is going to bring them the most satisfaction.  For some, the accepted society normative relationship style may not always be the right choice. Men and women both engage in this behavior.  Women are reported to have affairs 45% and men at 60%. It’s important for individuals to ask these questions prior to cheating on their partner. 

• Why am I doing this?
• Is there something missing from my relationship?
• Who are the people that will get hurt?
• If I cheat, will it fix my relationship?
• What is it that I am looking for?
• Am I just looking for an easy way out?
• I still want my relationship to work but what am I doing?
• Is there really a valid reason in cheating?

There are many reasons why people engage in affairs outside of their relationships. A recent study indicates that there are potentially eight different triggers for this behavior.  This can include the following feelings in a relationship:  sexual desire, anger, poor self-concept, lack of love, low commitment, neglect, need for variety and particular circumstances.  For further information on the research, read the following article: Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/#:~:text=The%20participants%20admitted%20to%20cheating,desire%2C%20and%20situation%20or%20circumstance.

An individual that is contemplating an affair, may benefit from engaging in individual counseling to address the motives leading to their desire to cheat. Counseling will assist the individual in exploring themes and their current emotional state. Working with a licensed clinician can give the client the opportunity to discuss these concerns prior to making a decision that results in additional trauma and grief. It takes a brave person to acknowledge their desire to change. 

If you have any additional questions, you can match with me for future sessions. I specialize in working with clients who have trauma history and relationship difficulties.