When in a relationship for 20 years and you hit a rocky patch, how do you navigate it?

Hello there, 

Sorry to hear you are experiencing a rough time in your relationship. Reaching out for support to navigate this part of your relationship was a good choice. I want you to know what you're experiencing in your relationship is normal and many long term relationships go through the same rough patches.

Being with someone for 20 years has its ups and downs. One thing to consider is you and your partner are different people compared to who you all were when you all first got together as teenagers. All the things you mentioned (death, stress, finances etc) can affect a person in many ways. Sometimes we grow from what we go through and sometimes those experiences can break us. Let's first acknowledge that you both have gone through some rough times. 

How is the communication between you two? When bringing up important topics how do you approach it? It can help to talk when you both are calm, not hungry/irritated, and in a mood to engage healthily. Sometimes we can bring up heated topics when we are already irritated or feeling overwhelmed. Also make sure you all are listening to understand and come up with a resolution rather than listening to respond. A big part of communication is being able to listen intently and receive what your partner is saying.

It also sounds like your husband has a lot on his plate, actually you both do. Are you all able to take time for yourselves outside of your responsibilities? How often are you going on dates or spending quality time together? How do you show and express your love for one another? We can get caught up with our day to day responsibilities and sometimes forget to love on each other through it all. 

I also think individual and/or relationship counseling will be good for you. You can explore these feelings more and come up with ways to cope and improve your relationship. You can learn new ways to communicate and cope with life stressors. This time of year can get rough and having someone who is unbiased help process your feelings can be beneficial to you. I hope this was helpful for you and gives you something to think about. You all made it 20 years and with work and dedication, you all can make it another 20 years. 

Warm regards, 

Taneshia