Where does attachment come from?

Attachment theory is rooted in the idea that the relationships and bonds between caregiver and infant lay the groundwork for relationship patterns throughout life, for better or for worse. The first attachment made is with our earliest caregivers. As infants we’re helpless, requiring assistance to eat, to be warm, to be clean. All of our safety relies on those who are charged with our care immediately after we’re born.

Attachment theory arose out of research conducted by John Bowlby, who described attachment as a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. Bowlby studied the separation anxiety or distress that children seemed to experience when their parents or primary caregiver was unavailable. He discovered that attachment was characterized by behavior and motivation patterns; children will seek closeness with their caregiver to feel safe.

When we’re young and dependent on caregivers to have our needs met, the needs are either met consistently, or they aren’t. When needs aren’t met on a consistent and predictable basis, an insecure attachment is thought to form. Caregivers who are available and responsive to their children’s needs lay the foundation for security and safety, which leads to a secure attachment.

There are four styles of attachment that have been identified. Ambivalent attachment develops when a child learns that they can’t depend on their parent to be available when needed. Avoidant attachment develops when a child is punished and learns that seeking help results in punishment. Avoidant attachment is thought to develop in neglectful and abusive situations. Disorganized attachment describes a style of attachment that looks like other styles and is thought to be derived from inconsistent parent response to the child’s needs. Secure attachment forms when children learn they can rely on their caregiver to meet needs.

Many people hyper fixate on attachment theory as a sort of thermometer for the future pattern of relationships, and while there is evidence to suggest that our early attachments impact later relationships and the patterns of behavior we may display in them, our early attachment style isn’t a sentence to a particular set of problematic patterns in relationships. Just as we learn as infants, we also learn as adults. We’re constantly in the position of being able to form new and healthy relationships where we can experience safety.

If you’re concerned about your attachment style or curious to understand how your style of attachment developed and may impact your present relationships, talk with a licensed mental health professional who has training in attachment theory.