Which marriage is more successful?

Success is a matter of perception, and peoples’ beliefs around a successful marriage may differ in various aspects.  However, in a general sense, the marriage that is likely to be the most successful are the ones where there is a solid foundation based on healthy communication skills.  This common saying that people have “baggage,” meaning we all have our own personal/emotional issues. This inevitably will present itself in the marriage at some point or another, which is perfectly okay.  This “baggage” can certainly impact the quality of the relationship if the communication is lacking.  But with good communication skills from both parties, any emotional issues that may present themselves throughout the marriage can be worked through with much success.  Let us take a look at what exactly supports healthy communication skills. 

Being able to express your needs to your partner assertively is an important part of healthy communication skills.  The keyword is assertive, meaning we are not passively avoiding any sort of communication, and we are not aggressively forcing our needs onto others.  So this means being able to vocalize what your needs are, standing strong with requesting help with getting these needs met and being open-minded to hearing the other person express their concerns if your needs conflict with their needs.  Should there be a conflict, assertive communication will help you find some compromise so that both parties can have their needs met.  Developing assertive communication skills takes a lot of patience, but it is worth it in the long run if you invest the time and energy.  Embracing concepts of mindfulness will facilitate the development of assertive communication.

Maintaining healthy boundaries is also a very important aspect of healthy communication, both internal and external boundaries.  Internal boundaries are the ability for you to recognize when you may be overextending yourself to your partner or perhaps recognizing when you are personalizing a comment your partner may make.  Again, internal boundaries can be challenging to recognize as it takes a great deal of insight to recognize when you are overextending yourself or personalizing something.  Once you have mastered the understanding of internal boundaries, then you will be more efficient at assertively setting external boundaries.  This is where you will learn to communicate to your partner that you cannot fulfill something without it becoming a “battle.”

Something to consider when determining the success of a marriage is that having success is an ever-growing concept.  Some days may feel more successful than others, and that is perfectly okay.  But it is always important that the success in your marriage is what you and your partner decide upon, versus an outside influence telling you whether it is successful or not.