Why am I scared of intimacy?

Hi Lisa.  Thanks for reaching out.  Intimacy in all types of relationships can be intimidating and cause anxiety. There is a stressful, real component to this fear.  The more we are anxious and stressed about being close to others, the more we can become fearful.  Intimacy is needed to form social, emotional, spiritual, familial, and romantic relationships.  Opening up to others makes us vulnerable, which can be scary.  This can cause anxiety and stress, affecting our emotional and physical health.  

You mentioned you do feel you need someone and that you feel lonely when hanging out with your roommates.  Recognizing fear of intimacy and the effects it is having is the first step to resolving this.  Making little changes and taking small steps forward can be helpful in this situation.  Try to talk to someone new once or twice a week.  Speak to the person serving you coffee or the waitress at lunch.  Talk to someone about the weather.   Discuss with a coworker or acquaintance the most recent movie you watched or your favorite holiday movie.  This will aid with building confidence and help with opening up to others.  

Pursue activities and hobbies you enjoy.  When we participate in activities we enjoy, we are more likely to relax and meet others we have things in common with.  

Show yourself some grace.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  And know you are not alone in feeling this way.  Reaching out for support is a great way to start handling this issue.  

Through therapy we can gain better understanding where fear of intimacy stems from.  Negative experiences, past trauma and attachment issues can all contribute to avoidance of getting close to others. Once we uncover the root cause, we can address these concerns.

Many clients find Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helps us process and rethink our approach and how we deal with our innermost thoughts and feelings.  We teach healthy boundaries, effective communication skills, anxiety reduction, how to reframe negative thoughts into positive thinking.  By learning these coping strategies and techniques, we improve our relationships within ourselves and with those around us.