Why can't I make any friends or win people over to get them to do what I want them to do?

Hi! Thank you for being so open and honest with your question.

It’s great to see that you are taking better care of yourself and dressing better. Other people will certainly pick up on that.

My first question for you is, why doesn’t your sister or cousins speak with you? What reason/s have they given you? This would be important information.  Not necessarily because they are correct in what they say, but rather what they say may be an indicator of what other people are thinking/feeling when they interact with you. Everyone of us has a blind spot.   We just can’t see what is so obvious to the people around us.

This can also be the benefit of therapy.   Your therapist will be able to get a snapshot into how you are coming across to others – in words and in non-verbal communications. Non-verbal communications can be how you are dressed, the expressions on your face, the way you are sitting, as well others. Ultimately, you can only be in control of what you do and say.   

Has there ever been a time where your relationships have been much more of a give and take, i.e, better? If yes, what has changed? If no, the next step would be to collect as much information as possible with regard to how you come across/present yourself to other people. Below are some behaviors to be on the look out for you.   Maybe one or two will connect with you and help you move in a different direction.

·      You never stop talking          

o   A great skill to develop is to listen to someone with the intent to hear what they are saying, as opposed to listening to respond.

·      You have hygiene issues

o   This may seem basic for most people, but the truth is it’s not so simple.

·      You don’t care about other people’s time.

o   This can occur when your interactions with others occur only when it works for you.

·      You don’t know how to forgive people

o   Many times, arguments and hurt feelings come from misunderstandings.  

o   If this may be the case with your sister and/or others, try communicating again, but perhaps in a different way.

o   Try more “I” statements.   I feel this way or I feel that way.

·      You never take accountability for your words and/or actions.

o   Sometimes, the goal is greater than whether it is important to be right.

o   If you did or said something to someone, and they were clearly hurt or offended by it, simply apologizing for doing or saying something that hurt their feelings, as that was not your intention.

For more of these behaviors go to,  https://hackspirit.com/why-dont-people-like-me/

All the best on your continued journey of self-discovery and growth.

Steven R. Levey, PhD, LCSW