Why is someone else’s mental health problems affecting mine?

Your boyfriend may be suffering from internal pain that he cannot or is not ready to discuss with you or anyone else. His drinking signifies his "self-medicating to ease the thoughts or feelings of whatever is troubling him. If he does not want to discuss it the next day, you shouldn't push or force him to talk because, although you want to help, he may see this as trying to control him. He is trying to set solid limits and boundaries on his feelings and is more of a reason for you to give him the time and space he requires. Men often handle their emotions differently from women, and you may feel your mental health is suffering for that very fact. 

It would be best if you focused on taking care of yourself and your mental health instead of trying to help him when he does not want it. He may appreciate you more to see you continue working on improving your life and peace of mind. Your self-esteem is suffering from feeling rejected when just trying to help. 

According to Dr. Marilyn J. Sorensen, Ph.D., author of "Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem," low self-esteem is a hereditary thinking disorder based on upbringing and traumas one may have suffered growing up. It is more a result of childhood traumas or growing up in a dysfunctional family rather than a reflection of your self-worth. The low self-esteem syndrome manifests as a host of 'symptoms such as depression, anxiety, excess weight gain, self-sabotage, etc.

Your situation is not terminal. However, you need a focused strategy to help you learn more self-care and self-love to protect your mental health. To grow more on your path requires you to do a deep dive into your life:

• Who you are.
• What do you want out of your life?
• How to begin to view your genuine authenticity. 
• What makes you feel happy and fulfilled?
• What would you tell your younger self?

And you and your boyfriend are not alone in feeling troubled because at least 75% of the population feel the same way.

Negative self-talk can lead to you not getting the level of mental health you desire to have a happy future. So, you should change or level up your thought processes and discover your passion. Hopefully, taking care of yourself and growing may help your boyfriend see you are managing your life and feelings, demonstrating that he can too. 

I hope this helps! You may want to seek the help of a therapist to hear your concerns and help you with guidance in navigating challenging life matters. 

You, like every human, deserve happiness and contentment, but that starts with learning self-love and setting healthy boundaries first.

Kind regards!