Will Attraction Grow?

Whether or not attraction to a person will grow probably depends much more on ourselves than on others. What is most important to understand is that we grow. Like our values, goals, beliefs, and even our interests and hobbies change, who we find attractive and whether that attraction increases or decreases will change too.

Think back to your first significant other. You found that person attractive, maybe even irresistible. Maybe you told yourself that you were certain you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person, that you would also find that person attractive and would always want to be together. Did that attraction change over time, as you changed?

Many of us, as we get older, begin to find different things attractive. For instance, how the person dresses may not be as important as the person’s career aspirations, or the person’s political beliefs, or the person’s parenting abilities.

When we first meet someone, we generally show the person a version of ourselves. We may be able to hide some of our deficits, or bad habits, for some time, but eventually, we will show who we really are. Rather than looking at the unveiling of a person’s weaknesses as an obstacle to attraction, one could also consider that the attraction grows by being more genuine and open with someone. The attraction matures. This is why many couples benefit from dating for a while before rushing to get married or signing a lease and moving in with each other right away. Discovering more about one another could increase attraction, but it is also possible that you will discover that you are less compatible than you think.

You may also be emotionally attracted to someone but less sexually attracted, or vice versa. It is important to differentiate between lust and attraction. It can also be beneficial to list the characteristics that you find attractive in a person, including physical characteristics and other elements that may influence whether you find the person attractive.

A final thought is that we should try to understand our attraction to others and what makes others attracted to us and not allow attraction to blind us to warning signs that the individual may be a poor fit for us. By being more in tune with our patterns associated with attraction, we can make healthier relationship choices.