Will counseling save my marriage?

Many couples come into counseling with the mindset that attending a counseling session (or two) will shed light on what they need to do to ‘fix their marriage or long-term relationship. The reality is many couples walk into the counseling session already knowing if they want to stay, leave, work on the marriage, or not. In the case of some couples, they have been able to determine what is not working and will detail those areas when entering the counseling experience. These couples typically can come to a place of improvement in their marital relationship. And these couples often understand that it may take several sessions to see that improvement.

What topics are savable?

There are many topics that couples will bring into counseling as concerns, but the most common are communication, finances, parenting, and infidelity. With these, the issues of temperament, trust, power, and control are common themes weaved through the relationship's dynamic. Almost all marriages can heal through many mistakes and maladaptive behaviors. Still, it takes a lot of deference to listening, understanding, healing, and accepting that things may be different from here forward.

Is it worth it?

It is always worth it if for no other reason than to determine your situation through an impartial party who can point out issues you may miss and guide and direct you. One of the most powerful experiences of effective marital counseling is healing hurts by developing a stronger communication line that empathizes and seeks to understand giving allowances to the human in all of us. Keeping the Love, You Find, Harville Hendrix is one of the most popular books to read with your spouse to regain understanding of your relationship and all you bring to it.

What is not savable?

As part of the evaluation, the counselor will help determine what cannot be saved or should not. Marriages, like so many life circumstances, are complex and not cut and dry except when a person is being abused. This can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, or extreme forms of acting out that would create unsafe or unstable experiences. Many times, the safest way to regain stability in this situation is to end the marriage in as calm a manner as possible. Counselors can aid in this transition as well. Sometimes marital counseling becomes a source of successful separation. And in other cases, one of the clients may need individual counseling or a program to manage addiction or a serious mental disorder.