Will dating help me move on?

Whenever there is a breakup or an ending of a relationship, there seems to be a space where a person wants to fill it with distractions so that the pain of the loss is not as intense. People may fill this space with friends, work extra hours, start a new project or hobby, or change up routines. And sometimes, some choose to date right away. Depending on what kind of relationship a person came from and how long they were part of it can determine whether or not dating will indeed help someone move on. Does the question also become a matter of what they are moving on from? There are no ‘right’ answers, and each individual may have different needs, but here are some possible pitfalls that can happen from dating to move on from a past relationship.

Why take the time to heal?

For those who begin dating right away after a relationship that did not work out, the feelings, thoughts, memories, and habits of the former relationship can still be very much with them. Why is this a disadvantage? Because not starting from a point where there has been space and time, especially in cases where it was a marriage or a very long relationship, can impact the experience and possible success of a new relationship. Not every date becomes a relationship, but even those single dates can conjure feelings and often frustrate or upset beyond just offering a distraction. Vulnerability can impact these experiences and further pain and hurt. Taking time, even just a short time to explore, review, and heal the history of a relationship can open someone up to new possibilities. Working with some individuals, a very effective exercise is writing a pros and cons list of the former relationship, journaling on what was learned in the relationship and writing a top ten list of what is desired in a future relationship that may not have been manifested prior. This not only breeds confidence but the act allows healing.

How will I know?

People know they are ready to date and move forward when they can integrate their brain's rational and emotional side in understanding what worked and what didn’t work in their relationship. Dating can be an exciting and wonderful process of learning about others, the self, and potentially finding a long-term relationship. Give yourself the gift of going into it with a healed mind and heart.