You think I need therapy?

The decision to engage in therapy is a very personal one that only you can decide if you are ready for therapy and wanting to start out on that journey. Regardless of the situations that we have experienced there is no one size fits all measurement that determines the need and even where there is need. It is important that the person is ready for self-exploration and putting in the emotional work that it takes to make healthy/positive changes. Based on the information that you provided, therapy could be a beneficial platform for you to explore life situations and provide support. 

Therapy could help you explore the barriers you are experiencing around gaining trust in your relationship. You indicated that you have been in a relationship with your boyfriend for almost 3 years, that is a significant amount of time and gives you a good foundation of experiences to process. 

You indicated that you put boundaries in place with your mother who was emotionally relying on you and that is a great step that you took which shows that you have insight into healthy boundaries. Therapy is a great place to process the impact that these boundaries have had on you and your relationship with your mother.

Regarding the ex-friend who did not respect your relationship and tried to control you, that can be difficult on a person depending on how long you were friends, the quality of the friendship, and the nature of the end of the friendship. Therapy is a safe place to process grief, loss and forgiveness. 

You indicated that your father left you at the age of 12 and somewhat returned at the age of 16, therapy can be a neutral space to explore the dynamics of your relationship with him and the changes that took place throughout your life. 

The big thing that I would like to comment on is that you indicated that you once felt good about yourself but now despise yourself. Improving your self-esteem, feelings of meaning/purpose and self-worth are all beneficial goals for therapy. You could set goals with your therapist regarding well-being and increasing use of coping skills so that you get back to the point where you feel good about yourself again.