Always doubting myself, never giving myself credit. Why do I do this?

I constantly fear that I'm dumb and incompetent. So in social situations when I'm put on the spot I immediately freeze and feel this hit. When people ask me questions I think I'm dumb so I freeze again. I never trust myself, but I have proved to myself lately that I can, all these things are in my head but yet I still feel it. I always put myself down but all I've done the past few years is grow, change, push myself but yet here I still am writing this out. I just want to love myself. To trust myself. To have faith in myself. I do love myself but this anxiety is still here everyday. Everyone's watching me thinking I'm an idiot, I'm weird. I just don't understand. Why am I doing this to myself?
Asked by Sad dreads
Answered
10/27/2022

Hello sad dreads,

Let me start by saying thank you for sharing what you are suffering through, and I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. You’ve explained that you ‘constantly fear’ that you are ‘dumb and incompetent’. Nevertheless, you have taken the step of reaching out so we can work together on these issues. The self-awareness shown here is impressive. 

How long have you been feeling this way? You said that in social situations, when being ‘put on the spot’ you freeze and feel this ‘hit’.

Sounds like it is quite challenging when you are in social settings. What is the ‘hit’ you speak about? Do you recall what is happening for you in these moments? After reading your message and seeing how you’ve expressed yourself as ‘dumb’ and ‘incompetent’. When you say these words out loud, how do you feel about them?  

I hear you saying to me that you have never trusted yourself but there has been a change lately and you have proved to yourself that these things are in your head, yet you feel it. How did the change come about?

The subject line says you’ve always doubted yourself and never give yourself credit, yet you are wondering why you do this. Is it your voice you hear when you are doubting yourself or it is someone else’s? Why do you feel it is hard to give yourself credit?

It’s great to know how much you have been working on yourself over the past few years and have begun to grow, to change and you’ve been pushing yourself to do this work. However, you said yet, you’re still here writing this out. How are you processing how hard you have worked on yourself?

There seems like a real need to want to love yourself, trust and to have faith in yourself. What do you think stops you? How do you feel about yourself as an individual? Yet you do say that the anxiety is still here every day, yet you do love yourself. Can you identify what the triggers are for the anxiety?

It must be hard feeling that ‘everyone's watching’ you and you feel that they think that you are ‘an idiot’ and ‘I'm weird’. Is there any reason why you are so hard on yourself? How did the language you use about how you describe yourself come about? 

How do you feel about having therapy to explore in more detail what you are going through? Counselling is a non-judgmental space where you can talk opening about what you are going through. They could be things in the here and now or things that you may want to discuss in your past. As humans, we all have things in the subconscious but only through exploration, can we become aware of them and make lasting change.

Should you feel in need of urgent help or that you are in crisis at any time, please call Samaritans on 116 123 [24 hours a day]; or 999. Thank you for reaching out.

I hope talking about this has helped you. I am available for sessions if you would like to explore this further.

Warmest wishes,

Mehreen.