Do i need to change myself in certain ways to make myself more noticeable?

Good morning there Elle, My name is Jo and I am a counsellor here at BetterHelp. 

Thank you so much for reaching out with your question which I have read closely. 

Let me first start by saying that I am so sorry that your relationship has ended. I do know that this never feels good and I am sure you have spent time thinking about why this has happened. I think we could explore this in session, I wonder if you feel able to reflect back on the relationship now with support to unpick any issues that presented themselves to you which you may have ignored.. I call these red flags and they are so important to understand going forward with other relationships. I think that if we can identify if they arise again then we can help to keep ourselves from possible suffering.

It feels the main area of concern from your question is that in some way you feel to blame for the break up and is it due to any physical issues you have or how you present yourself. I would want to explore that further with you as it somehow feels really important. I would want to consider if your physical appearance is so important to another partner that is that the right partner for you? There are many questions we could look at together.

I also get a real sense of loneliness from your question. You do explain that you are experiencing frustration and upset and I hope that having your feelings listened to can help you to begin to manage and make some sense of them.

I can see you are in University and that you feel you have no real friends, I wonder what it could feel like to reach out to others and make some meaningful connections? Could we look at what kind of friend you would wish to be for others and what you can bring to the relationships? We could also look at ways to really begin to listen to others and almost allowing them to warm to you. Sometimes being present with another person which means just focusing on the moment you are in can help the other person you are with feel validated and so the connection strengthens.

I feel that there is much to be discussed from the question that you have asked and I do hope you feel able to come for a chat to discuss some of these issues more deeply.

Please take care.

Warm wishes, Jo