How can i improve my self confidence

I am from india, I am an divorced women, my marriage long lasted 3 months, was a abusive marriage with lot of cheating, betrayal , physical and verbal abuse, divorced before 3 years , Now immigrated from canada living alone, wanted to find someone, but again got traumatized with this guy because he was not sure about me. My life right now is messed up in every way. i dont know how to get better with everything
Asked by Butterfly
Answered
12/06/2021

Relationships that end abruptly or in an unhealthy way can often cause a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem. The truth is people do not know how to love us, they learn how to love us through the boundaries that we set and the things that we will or will not tolerate.  The journey to healing and re-building our self-esteem is a holistic one: mind, body, and soul. We must spend time alone to begin to explore and really learn who we are and what we like (and don’t like). Go out for dinner alone, see a museum, visit an art gallery, or explore the city (safely of course) by yourself and make decisions that do not include the opinions of others, only your own opinion. Is there a place you have always wanted to visit, and your old partners were never interested or an activity that you have always wanted to do and never did? Now is the time to do those things. Get in touch with yourself and remember what set your soul on fire, what made you tick, what brought you passion and enthusiasm? We sometimes forget those things when we are in relationships, especially when they are unhealthy relationships or when we are trying to fulfil the expectations of others whether it be due to family or culture. When we learn about ourselves and our values, we learn to set boundaries with others so they love us the way we love ourselves and if they cannot we have the confidence to be able to call people out when they cross boundaries or leave when they cannot match the love, we have for ourselves. Be patient with yourself on the days that you maybe do not feel so well. Take time for self-care and on those "down" days be even more compassionate with yourself. Ask yourself "if someone I cared about came to me with these same issues, what would I say to them?" We often tend to be more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves, but we too deserve the love we give. Holistic healing and self-care are so important. Ask yourself have you had water, are you eating okay, are you eating at all, have you incorporated exercise into your day to day. All these things are forms of self-care and help remind us that we are worthy. The negative thoughts that we have are just thoughts and they are not the reality of the situation. Sometimes we must manage those thoughts by fact checking. For example, if we keep thinking "no one would notice if I was gone" and we do a fact check we often find that there are so many people in our life that would notice and in essence it dispels the thought as being a false narrative. Building yourself up after something traumatizing is hard because our self-esteem gets wrapped up in the experience. Remind yourself that you are resilient and unique and there will never be another one like you and in that you are so special and worthy. Take time to explore who you really are and what you want your life to look like. What steps can you start making today to get there? When you explore internally and create a whole person all your needs get met and anyone you welcome into your life is welcomed because you want them there, not because you need them there. You will be able to recognize more clearly when someone is worthy of your love and your time and through your journey of finding yourself you re-build your self-esteem. Use daily positive affirmations to remind yourself of that. When we think it, we feel it. I hope this helps and remember you are worthy!!