How do I just be me and be happy and content with me?

I am glad you have reached out and are searching for answers to help you.  I'll start by saying that most every person could benefit from therapy; whether that person has experienced trauma, struggles with mental illness, or just needs an outlet, therapy can be very beneficial.  A lot of people also struggle with being content in their own skin and it can take some time to work through, but it is possible.  

Lets first talk about the panic attacks you mentioned that you have been having.  Anxiety can be a real struggle for so many people and can hinder a person in many ways.  You could start by #1 identifying the things that trigger your anxiety (people, situations, songs on the radio, etc) and then #2 identify how you respond to these triggers - what are your early warning signs that you are getting anxious?  It may be that you notice your heart rate change or you begin to sweat, etc.  Once you are able to identify how you respond then you can try to "catch" your anxiety early, before it turns into a panic attack.  For example if your early warning sign is a rapid heart rate, then start right then with trying to manage the anxiety, rather than waiting until it is a full blown attack.  Ways to manage anxiety can vary from person to person.  Some common ways are distraction, deep breathing, taking a break, or talking to a friend.  Some people enjoy music or coloring, while others like to journal.  Try several different techniques until you find what works for you.  A therapist could better help you with this in the future, but these would be good starting points.  You could do some research on grounding techniques to find additional coping methods that will hopefully work for you.    

When looking at becoming content with yourself, you may need to first figure out who you are, aside from the person you try to be for others.  One way you can start this process is to figure out what are the things that you value.  Values are beliefs we hold based on what is important to us and they help guide us on decisions we make.  One way to explore your values is to look at relationships, friendships, career, etc and look at what you value in each of these areas.  You can ask yourself what makes each of these things important to you and then look at what type of each of these things that you want; what type of friendships do you want to have, what are the things that are important to you in career, what type of partner do you want to be in romantic relationships, etc.  Exploring values is not always a simple task and can take some time but it is definitely worth the time and effort you will put into it.  Once you know your values you can set goals for yourself.  Then when faced with situations or decisions you can look to see which decision will point you in the direction of your goals and in the direction of being the person you strive to be.  

One tool that is helpful for so many reasons, including values work, is journaling.  This can be a fantastic tool to help you get your thoughts out on paper.  Journaling can be done through an actual physical journal, through an app on your device, through a document on your computer, or even in the notes section on your phone.  There are no rules to journaling and if you are interested in an app, there are many great free ones out there if you search in your phones app store.  They can help by providing journal prompts for you to help you get your thoughts onto paper.  It can often be hard to deal with difficult situations but often when a person is able to write things out it serves as a release and can be very therapeutic.  If wanted, you could even write things out and then throw them away.  Some people fear others may find their journals and this is a good option in those instances.  As you begin the journey to determine what makes you happy, journaling can be a great way to clear your head and help sort out thoughts.  Some people like looking back and reading old journal entries so that they can see how far they have come from several months or years in the past.   

Through all of this remember to be gentle with yourself.  It takes time to grow from the person others have told you that you “should be” to become the person you are truly meant to be.  Exercise, plenty of sleep, and a good diet are always encouraged to help with clarity of thoughts.  Also, find something you enjoy doing whether this is a new hobby or something you have done in the past.  Engaging in new things can be scary but it is necessary to find the things you enjoy and can also be great for meeting new people with similar interests.

It can be very helpful to identify at least one “safe” person in your life whom you can confide in and get advice from.  A therapist can be a very beneficial part of this process as a therapist will provide a neutral, non-biased opinion and helpful feedback to help you through the journey.  You may struggle with people-pleasing.  And as you begin to make changes from some of this people-pleasing behavior and you start to set new boundaries for yourself, this may be difficult and can actually add to your anxiety.  A therapist would be a great resource to help you with these changes and also to help with ways to cope with the anxiety that may come as well.    

You have done a great job at taking the first step toward healing by reaching out for help.  Self-care and spending time with those in your life who are healthy support for you are important parts to it all as well.  I encourage you to find some time to do something you enjoy; go for a walk, sit on the porch in the fresh air, meet a friend for coffee, read a good book, etc - these can all be great ways to help with clearing your head and figuring out what will make you happy.  I also encourage you to talk to those in your life who can be sources of support for you.  You may also want to look for self-help books you can read while on your journey.  You can look at the reviews of different books to get an idea of how good they are and if they would be helpful, many books also include a workbook which can be helpful.  You could start with looking for CBT or ACT books.  I wish you the best of luck!