How do you improve your self esteem and your image of yourself?

Hi Conan, 

Thank you for taking the time to pose such a brave question.  Certainly, the feelings surrounding the perception of yourself, are very palpable. Similarly, the "ripple effects" that accompany the feelings of low self-esteem and low self-worth can often prove as being debilitating for anyone to endure.  Discovering a more life-giving approach that helps to restore the empathy, self-compassion, and love in which you deserve may seem difficult but is certainly not impossible.  Developing a sense of safety, and stability within oneself is fundamental.  Likewise, learning to return home to oneself and beginning to view oneself as being adequate enough, will serve as a lifeline during this undoubtedly exhausting and trying time.  

We can either be our best friends in life or our greatest of enemies.  As you reflect upon your ability to lose a significant amount of weight in 2 years, I am curious to know what you might consider as being enough?  Correspondingly, is there an ideal target weight in which you must hit in order to be acceptable to oneself or is it a proverbial "carrot on the end of the stick?"   An additional reflection that may be helpful for oneself to consider, is evaluating when these feelings developed and how they originated within your life journey. 

As you begin to journey toward healing, becoming cognizant toward the relationship you have with promises will serve as an informative guide.  Naturally, whenever we make promises to ourselves and fail to follow through in keeping the promises, we unconsciously demonstrate our insignificance and unimportance to ourselves.  With enough time, this can "chip" away at our resolve, self-respect, and self-esteem.  Holding ourselves accountable toward fulfilling the promises we make, whether major or minor, assists in building our self-esteem and self-worth overtime.  

When concerning the previous adventures into the dating realm, I am mindful of the importance of Behavioral Activation.  The Principle of Behavioral Activation promotes that by repeatedly putting actions first, pleasant emotions will be activated with enough time.  The slogan, "Success is in the trying" and "Just do it," are both true in this regard.  While feeling the fear and becoming aware of your own biases toward yourself are important, they cannot deter you from taking the necessary steps toward accomplishing life goals.  Showing up for ourselves and developing a sense of safety is intrinsic to our understanding of self-worth.  Perhaps, in your future completed therapy work, it may be beneficial to work on the relationship dynamics between yourself and your physical body, others, and finally your full self.  Breathing self-compassion back into your life and finding peace will be invaluable goals to pursue.