How do you know the right direction to move in after sabotaging yourself more than once?

Hello Lea! Thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp with your question regarding self-sabotaging and how to move on from it.

I think it's important to know and understand what self-sabotaging really means. Self-sabotaging refers to thoughts and/or actions that prevent us from doing the things that we want to do. To an extent, it is a normal part of human nature, and we all do it from time to time often without even knowing it. This can look like procrastination, perfectionism, negative self-talk, avoidance, or even conflict. It can become a real problem when this self-sabotaging behavior becomes such a habit, that you default to it regularly without even knowing it. I do not know the details of what you mean when you say, "sabotage," so I will encourage you to reflect and work to identify exactly what these specific thoughts and/or behaviors might look like for you.

I want to provide you with a couple of tips that may help you move on from a state of sabotage. Be intentional and consistent with these until your inner critic is no longer holding you back from success and happiness.

1. Strive to be more self-aware. Set aside a specific time each day specifically for reflection to become more aware of how you might be self-sabotaging. This could be in the form of journaling, meditation, or simply creating intentional moments of stillness and quietness for your reflection. As you work to develop more insights about yourself, you can move on to identify what areas you can make small changes.

2. Set meaningful goes and come up with a plan for action. I will encourage to consider your values when setting these goals. What do you want in life? What creates a sense of purpose for you? What makes you feel energized? Then decide what small steps need to be taken to work towards what you would like to accomplish.

3. Lastly, I will encourage you to know and apply your strengths. Everyone has character strengths to help them thrive and work through challenges in life. Reflect on your strengths. When do you feel your best? Knowing your strengths and finding ways to put these strengths into practice can help you develop self-love.

Final thoughts: Self-sabotaging isn't a character flaw. It's simply a set of thoughts or beliefs preventing you from doing things you want to do. Be patient with yourself and reach out for professional help from a licensed therapist if you feel stuck. The things you want in life are absolutely within your reach.