How Happiness Happens?

Psychiatrist Victor Frankl once wrote, “It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness. The more one makes happiness an aim, the more he misses the aim.” He explains that happiness comes from making significant changes in our lives without specifically trying to find happiness. For example, some people may tell themselves that they will be happy if they buy a brand new expensive car or move into a bigger home. While the person may feel proud of these new purchases and be elated for some time, the individual will probably not achieve lasting happiness from these, or any, purchases. We also need to accept that happiness does not find us. We should also not expect that others would be responsible for our happiness.

Finding Gratitude

Gratitude is the appreciation for what we have. How grateful we do not rely on what we have but what we think about what we have. If you are someone who tends to take what you have for granted, be deliberate about finding what you are grateful for. You may want to make a list of what you can be grateful for and read this list daily. You may also want to be on the lookout for good things that happen—if you are someone who tends to feel that misfortune always seems to find you, this is probably because you are focusing on what does not go well while paying little attention to positive events in your life.

Helping Others

Many people find that it is easier to find happiness when helping others. While we must be careful not to live vicariously through others or focus too much of our energy and time on caring for others, lest we neglect our needs and desires, there can be a sense of fulfillment that comes from making others happy.

Acceptance

As the Serenity Prayer states, focusing on what we do have control over and accepting what we do not have control over can increase our happiness. This can be easier said than done, but being aware of whether we do or do not have control over something and then changing the way we think about circumstances can be helpful. Mental health therapy can also help us to retrain our thought patterns.

Goal Setting

Working toward goals can produce happiness, especially when these goals are realistic and attainable. As was discussed with acceptance, we should have the power to achieve our goals, and they should not depend on luck or another person making changes. It is also empowering to accomplish goals, so setting achievable short-term goals to accomplish things regularly, can also increase happiness.

Asking for Help

Happy people tend to be aware of their limitations. Because they have confidence, asking for help is not difficult to do. Happy people recognize that they are not happy because everything is always going perfectly in their lives and recognize that seeking support can be useful and even necessary.