I feel ugly. How do I get out of this mental pattern? What can I do to accept myself?

Sorry my english is not good..........................................................................................................................
Asked by Dana

Hello Dana,


Thank you for reaching out and seeking help, it takes courage and strength to do so. in regards to the post you mentioned above, it sounds like you have some difficulties with your self-esteem and confidence. one of the biggest things i can recommend is practicing self-compassion and increasing your mindfulness. below I have included a write-up on mindfulness for you to read through. additionally, check out self-compassion.org it is a great website for you to review and practice some exercises to help increase your self-compassion and inner kindness. Practicing ways to identify and challenge your negative beliefs will also be a useful tool in combating these negative thinking patterns. you can do so by "putting your thoughts on trial" and helping yourself find "factual unbiased fact" about the situation. a good example would be " Jennifer feels that she is the worst at her job and they do not want her there." facts- she is still hired, if she was that bad and they did not want her, she wouldn't have the job. fact- she was chosen from several other candidates to fill the role and the position. fact- although she may have some areas she struggles with there are individuals who are at her same level and others who are just beginning with less knowledge and experience, therefore, debunking many of the thoughts about Jennifer being the worst and no one wanting her... with this example you would utilize your own thoughts and try to find evidence that can help you ground your thoughts and think more clearly through them. Lastly, i would recommend looking into grounding tools such as the stop sign through stopping method and the 54321 senses grounding techniques. these tools can help you ground yourself when you begin to have ruminating thoughts and become anxious or down and sad. it is a useful resource that allows you to be mindful and remain present in the moment.  I hope this information helps you and that you are able to find inner peace through this process. best wishes!


Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state is described as observing one's thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad.

Understanding Mindfulness

To live mindfully is to live in the moment and reawaken oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. To be mindful is to observe and label thoughts, feelings, sensations in the body in an objective manner. mindfulness can therefore be a tool to avoid self-criticism and judgment while identifying and managing difficult emotions.

Mindfulness is rooted in Buddhist and Hindu teachings. Buddhism includes a journey toward enlightenment, and the concept of "sati,"-which encompasses attention, awareness, and being present-is considered the first step toward enlightenment. The term was roughly translated from the ancient language Pali into the term "mindfulness."

The emergence of mindfulness in Western culture can be attributed to Jon Kabat-Zinn. Kabat-Zinn studied mindfulness under several Buddhist teachers, such as Philip Kapleau and Thich Nhat Hanh. As a professor at the University of Massachusetts medical school in the late 1970s, Kabat-Zinn developed a program called Mindfulness-Based StressReduction (MBSR) to treat chronic pain. He discovered that patients would often try to avoid pain-but that that avoidance would lead to deeper distress. Practicing mindfulness was a more successful approach.

As mindfulness shifted into mainstream science and medicine, it became a pivotal therapeutic technique; it was integrated into Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, among others.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness encompasses two key ingredients: awareness and acceptance. Awareness is the knowledge and ability to focus attention on one's inner processes and experiences, such as the experience of the present moment. Acceptance is the ability to observe and accept-rather than judge or avoid-those streams of thought.

What is the purpose of mindfulness?

The goal of mindfulness is to cultivate perspective on one's consciousness andidentity that can bring greater peace mentally and relationally. Mindfulness may also be used in mindfulness-based therapies, to address stress, anxiety, or pain, and simply to become more relaxed.



Practicing Mindfulness



A person's experience of time tends to be subjective and heavily influenced by their emotional state. Fears and insecurities about the past and the future can make it difficult to fully appreciate the present. The key is learning how to pay attention.

Mindfulness can take place through meditation sessions or smaller moments throughout the day. To cultivate a state of mindfulness, you can begin by sitting down and taking deep breaths. Focus on each breath and the sensations of the moment, such as sounds, scents, the temperature, and the feeling of air passing in and out of the body.

Shift your attention, then, to the thoughts and emotions that you are experiencing. Allow each thought to exist without judging it or ascribing negativity to it. Sit with those thoughts. The experience may evoke a strong emotional reaction. Exploring that response can be an opportunity to address or resolve underlying challenges.

How do I practice mindfulness?



To cultivate awareness, observe your thoughts and emotions and explore why those specific ideas might be surfacing. To cultivate acceptance, avoid judging or pushing away unpleasant thoughts. Emotions are natural and everyone has them-acknowledging them can help you understand yourself better and move forward.

How can I be more mindful?

Mindfulness can help bring you into the present moment throughout the day. As you wake up, you can focus on your breathing and the way your body gradually becomes more energized. You can incorporate a brief meditation into your workday, perhaps on your lunch break, and focus and appreciate the experience of eating during meals.



What is 5 Senses Mindfulness? Sometimes we feel like we are caught in a current of water and are unable to reach solid ground. This exercise is an easy way to find your grounding and feel more centered on a difficult day. During this exercise, you bring awareness to your 5 senses in a calming and soothing way. How do I practice the 5 senses? You can do this exercise anywhere: at home, on vacation, a busy street, a quiet place in nature or at a park. You just need 5 minutes available to yourself to practice this exercise. Step 1: Take a few minutes to sit quietly and tune into your body. Take a few relaxing, deep breaths, noticing the air as it passes through your nose and mouth. Step 2: You can choose to participate in all 5 senses, or just focus on one. Below are some examples of how to focus your energy on one sense at a time. Sight: Shift your concentration to noticing the world around you. Notice colors, changes in light, textures, and movement. Look at the nature around you, look at a picture on the wall, or notice the edge of a table or the pattern in the carpet. Pay attention to your surroundings and look for things you have not noticed before. Sound: Close your eyes and notice all the things you can hear. Listen to music, pay attention to the sounds of nature, the wind in the trees, or water dripping. Be mindful of any sounds that come your way, letting them go in one ear and out the other. Smell: Now, shift your concentration to noticing the smells of your environment. Is somebody cooking nearby? Are you able to notice the smell of perfume, flowers, or laundry? Mindfully breathe in the scents around you. Smell an orange, chocolate, or your favorite scented oils. Taste: Find something such as a small chocolate or fruit and really taste the food, noticing the flavor and intensity. Sip a drink slowly, savoring the taste. Try new foods, especially if they are sweet, sour, or bitter. Instead of judging the food as good or bad, simply notice how your taste buds respond. Touch: Notice your hands and where they are placed. Notice the pressure between your feet and the floor. Run your fingertips gently up the inside of your arm. Feel the air across your skin. Walk barefoot on grass, sand, or water, noticing how your feet feel. Pet your cat or dog, have a massage, or hug someone. Hot, cold, sharp, hard, soft-there are many textures to experience. When you are finished, breathe full and deep. Acknowledge your remarkable body that allows you to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.

The Benefits of Mindfulness



Mindfulness is frequently used in meditation and certain kinds of therapy. Its benefits include lowering stress levels, reducing harmful ruminating, and protecting against depression and anxiety. Research even suggests that mindfulness can help people better cope with rejection and social isolation.

Does mindfulness really work?

Review studies suggest that mindfulness-based interventions can help reduce anxiety, depression, and pain. To a lesser extent, they can alleviate stress and improve quality of life.

How does mindfulness help relieve anxiety?

Mindfulness encompasses awareness and acceptance, which can help peopleunderstand and cope with uncomfortable emotions, allowing them to gain control and relief. To cultivate these skills, concentrate on breathing to lengthen and deepen your breaths. Foster an awareness of the five senses. Notice your thoughts and feelings, and practice curiosity and self-compassion.



Questions for consideration:



*How can you incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine?

*How will you practice mindfulness?

*What would you hope to achieve through mindfulness?