I'm not able to focus on my studies. My mind doesn't stop negative thinking. I feel anxious and hurt.

Hello Sai, thank you for asking a question here on BetterHelp. I'm so sorry to hear about all the negativity rattling in your brain right now. This guy made false promises to you and it seemed like the two of you were going somewhere but all of that ended up being a lie, and now you see him with somebody else which has really elevated your insecurities and jealousy. I have a few suggestions I think can help. 

First of all you need to understand that it isn't your fault that he made false promises to you. He chose to do this knowing that he probably wasn't going to follow through with the promises that he made, it is incredibly misleading and hurtful. You trusted him and thought something positive was going to happen between the two of you, but he was untrustworthy.

It is not your fault that he was untrustworthy, but the one thing we can recognize that you did is that you were very trusting in him. This is an area where growth or change could come from this, it is an excellent lesson to learn to not be trusting right away in a new relationship. It's really difficult when we experience pain like this, but when you are able to find the silver lining and learn from it it can help you a lot in the long run. This is an area where growth or change could come from this, it is an excellent lesson to learn to not be trusting right away in a new relationship. Reframe this in your mind to not be as much about hurt and pain, but instead allow yourself to think of it as a lesson learned, you have learned that to not let your boundaries down right away. That means in your next relationship, you can keep those boundaries up a little bit longer and not be as trusting right away, allow yourself more time to get to know somebody before you start to let those barriers down and put more trust in them.

I really wish I could tell you that this won't happen again, I really wish I could tell you you can just trust people quickly because people are generally good and not selfish, but the reality is the exact opposite. People are mostly always just looking out for themselves, and sometimes that means hurting other people in the process. This is why it's very important to not be too quick to trust somebody, and instead keep your healthy boundaries. But as I was saying if you were able to reframe this into a positive light, a learning opportunity, then you can take away a lot of the hurt this has caused you.  

The second thing I really noticed from your statement is that your self-esteem has taken a massive hit. You said that you feel like you're not good enough and that you were good for nothing, this negative core belief is hurting your self-esteem. When we have really low self-esteem, it makes us more anxious, causes our thinking to be very negative, it stops us from seeing positive things in our life and always exacerbates hurt.

Whenever I talk to people about improving their self-esteem, I always talk about it in terms of core beliefs. We have several core beliefs that we believe about ourselves in the world around us, they affect the way we translate what we see, hear and do in life. When one of these core beliefs is inherently negative, then it damages the way we see, hear and translate the world around us. This means that a negative core belief has to be changed, negative core beliefs that I often hear are: I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, or I'm unworthy. The way you stop a negative core belief is by taking away its power and proving to yourself that it isn't true. The problem with your situation right now is that this guy making false promises to you and then leaving you for somebody else has done nothing but confirm your negative core belief that you're not good enough. But the reality is that he made the choice, it wasn't about you being good enough it was about his choices.

You changing your negative core belief doesn't have anything to do with him, it has everything to do with how you feel about you. You can begin to change this negative core belief by gathering up as much contrary evidence to that core belief as possible. This means writing down everything in your life that proves that you are good enough, everything that pushes away the idea that you are not good enough. This will feel very uncomfortable to you at first, you're actively fighting against a core belief that controls how you feel. I would encourage you to get some help from somebody, don't be afraid to ask somebody for some contrary evidence to your negative core belief. Once you have gathered up a bunch of this evidence, I want you to read it to yourself daily, whenever you begin to feel like you are not good enough, read that list. And more importantly I want you to be constantly adding to it. Overtime you will see the power of your negative core belief start to go away.

Working on improving your self-esteem overall will also help with us. This means exercising and taking good care of your body, working hard in school so you feel good about how you are doing there. It means separating yourself from toxic people and choosing to spend more time with people who are trustworthy and encouraging. it means cutting out social media pages that damage your self-esteem.  Little things like this can make a massive difference to your self-esteem.

I hope you were able to find something in here that helps and I wish you the best of luck!