Is there any relationship between keeping secret and overthinking?

Hello Malaba and thank you for asking a question here on BetterHelp! To very quickly answer your question, yes there is a relationship between keeping secrets and overthinking. It's easy for us to get caught in lies when we keep secrets, then we have to make up more lies in order to keep the secret. This leads to a lot of overthinking and a lot of anxiety. But it looks like your question goes beyond just that, it sounds like you have quite a bit of a self-esteem issue. I have a few suggestions I think could help but I think it would be smart if we talk a little bit about therapy first.

Self-esteem can be a really hard thing to improve and change on your own. This is why I would really suggest you talk to a therapist. It's easy to get linked with a therapist here on BetterHelp, all you have to do is click on the get started button on the homepage and follow the prompts from there. You'll have to answer several questions about yourself which only takes a few minutes and then you will be automatically linked with a therapist. If you don't like the therapist you are automatically linked with you are more than welcome to choose one on your own or you can ask to be automatically linked to a different one. A therapist can help you recognize barriers in your life you didn't even know where they are but are stopping you from being the person you want to be, a therapist can help you recognize toxic behavior that you may have been showing that you didn't even realize it but is stopping you from advancing further in life,  a therapist can help you recognize toxic relationships which you may if that were completely normal. Most of all right now a therapist can help you recognize what the root cause of your low self-esteem is, and give you coping mechanisms to help you make it through those really difficult days.  I hope you'll consider getting late with somebody today.  

When you talk about overthinking it's something that can be really debilitating. We have big dreams and ideas then we start to think about how we would get there, we think about everything that we go wrong then build up a bunch of imaginary barriers that stop us from ever even starting. This over thinking will stop you from achieving your dreams because instead of acting on your dream, you're busy thinking of how it will go wrong and talking yourself out of it. Our brain is a very powerful thing, it will create imaginary situations that have never happened, convince us that it's going to happen, then we start to emotionally react to the situation that's never happened. It sounds really silly when you think about it but that's what happens when we overthink. This leads to a lot of anxiety, a lot of low self-esteem because we feel like we can't accomplish anything  and most importantly it stops us from achieving our goals. The way you get around over thinking is by first recognizing it, tell yourself out loud that you are over thinking and you need to take a step back to reality. The next best thing you can do is to tell yourself, "I don't know what I don't know." It sounds so simple but it is so true, an over thinker will convince themselves that they know way more than they actually do. You must ask yourself, "do I actually know that or is that something I'm assuming?" This is the type of thinking that can bring you back to reality.

I really want to talk some about self-esteem though because based off your statement, it sounds like it is a struggle for you. Whenever I talk about self-esteem with people, I encourage them to think about it in terms of core beliefs. We all have core beliefs that shape the way we view the world around us, relationships and ourselves. When one of these core beliefs is inherently negative then we end up having a negative view on all of those things. Think about a core belief like a pair of sunglasses, everything you see is filtered through the sunglasses before it makes it to your eyes. Your negative core belief will act the same way, everything will be filtered through that negative core belief before it makes it to you. The first thing you must do is identify what your negative core belief is. Common negative core beliefs that I see are I'm unworthy, nobody loves me, I'm not good enough, I'm a bad person etc.

Once you are able to identify your negative core belief, you must take away the power that has over you. This is done by gathering up as much contrary evidence to your negative core belief as possible. What this means is that you are writing down a list of everything that proves your negative core belief is false, everything that proves your  negative core belief can't possibly be true. This is going to feel really odd and difficult for you at first, I want you to write down everything you can possibly think of, I want you to then ask your friends or family, people you trust, for more evidence that proves your negative core belief isn't true. You're then going to have to read this list to yourself daily, constantly reminding yourself of it and constantly fighting back against your negative core belief. Remember that the goal is to take away its power and instead put something else in there that is more realistic.  

This is best coupled when you practice good self-care. This means recognizing behavior in your own life that needs to change, it means making smart financial decisions and preparing for the future, it means exercising and taking good care of your body, it means recognizing toxic relationships and staying away from them, and it means recognizing good quality friends and choosing to be around them while you yourself are also a good quality and trustworthy friend. Pursuing those things will give you something to work on every day. I hope you were able to find something in here that helps and I wish you the best of luck!