What are the first steps in walking away from someone when realizing they don't like me the same?

Hello Anna and thank you so much for asking a very good question. Relationships can be so confusing and frustrating, you feel like they are going in the direction you are with somebody you really like and all of a sudden you stop getting the type of response you were wanting from them. This ends up leaving you questioning what happened, or even sometimes questioning, "what is wrong with me that they're not interested in?" But the most dangerous thing that is left is assumptions, so you don't actually know what happened so you end up just making assumptions because you have nothing else to go off of. The most important thing I want to tell you is to just be honest with him, I can tell you from over a decade of working with couples that men love honesty, they don't like playing games and trying to figure out what you're thinking or trying to figure out what you want, they just love hearing it straight from you. So that means I would encourage you to be honest with him and tell him what you want and what you're looking for, but you also have to keep in mind that he may not give you the response that you want. This means it is a bit of a double edged sword, you get to be honest and tell him what you want and what you're looking for, and then you just get to leave the rest up to him which could be really good news if he likes you too but could be a little heartbreaking if he doesn't. This means there is a risk, but you will also have the peace of knowing you were honest and gave the relationship an honest effort. I have found through my years of counseling that people typically avoid being completely honest because they are afraid of being let down, but you being honest is something that you do for you, not for the other person. Putting yourself out there and being honest with how you feel or what you are looking for will give you a sense of peace because you're no longer hiding. Once again, there is a little bit of a risk with this but at least you were honest.

The honesty itself is so important because when you're not it often leads to regret. I tell every couple that I work with that the honesty between them is one of the most important things they can focus on. They need to be honest about what they want and what they are expecting. The statement I give every couple I work with is, "unspoken expectations will always lead to resentment." This means if we are expecting or wanting something from our partner we should let them know, we shouldn't just expect them to figure it out. When these unspoken expectations go unfulfilled for a long time it leads to a lot of resentment and bitterness, that is why it is so vital to be honest about your expectations.

The other side of this it is so important is your own self-esteem, there is absolutely a possibility it could hurt your self-esteem some. But once again, your self-esteem is completely up to you, not to somebody else. This means our self-esteem increases or gets better when we choose to make it better. Sometimes increasing your self-esteem means making big changes in your life, it may mean pursuing a better paying career, it may mean getting to the gym more often, it may mean letting go of friendships and relationships that are toxic and hurting you. All of these are things that I often see people do to increase their self-esteem. But the most important thing you can do to increase your self-esteem is to understand what your negative core beliefs are. An example of a negative core belief would be something like, "I am unlovable, I am unworthy, nobody is ever going to like me, I'm not good enough etc." When you have a negative core belief like one of these it becomes incredibly hard to increase your self-esteem without first putting to death the negative core belief. The way you do this is by proving that you were negative core belief is false, this means gathering up as much contrary evidence to your negative core belief and reminding yourself of it constantly. This is something that will feel really uncomfortable at first, but with enough time and practice, and maybe even some help from a trustworthy friend or two, you will start to push aside that negative core belief and replace it with something that is more positive and more realistic.

That also brings me to my another point, having a good and caring community is so vital. I mentioned earlier that increasing your self-esteem may mean getting rid of relationships or friendships that are toxic. I really want to encourage you to take a look at the people you surround yourself with, would you call them good and trustworthy? Would you be happy if you were just like them in five years? Surrounding yourself with good and trustworthy people will make you a better person and make you more satisfied and excited about life. 

Lastly, I want to encourage you to participate in something I call high quality rest. High quality rest means you are participating in some sort of activity or hobby that you do just for you simply because you want to. In my own life it means spending a lot of time outdoors, and making sure I do a decent amount of traveling. We all need something in our life that recharges our batteries and gives us a sense of peace and excitement. Having some sort of hobby or activity that you really enjoy gives you something to look forward to and gives you that sense of relaxation. Happiness in your life will give you a better sense of peace as well as increase your self-esteem. I hope you were able to find something in here that helps and I wish you the best of luck!