What kind of therapy would be recommended?

Self Doubt

You can identify this as people-pleasing, self-doubt, low self-worth, poor self-identity, a misunderstanding of boundaries; all of these things are due to a belief deep down (often formed in childhood) that you are not enough. You see the phrase these days, “You are enough.” They are some of the most accurate attempts to help the most people. The belief isn’t that you are not good but that you aren’t enough, which is not considered good by the nature of something not being enough.

So, once you identify that your decisions and reactions in life come from the belief that you are not enough and therefore good enough and then, therefore, take on more than you should, you start to identify the thoughts that cause you to react to your environment. Here’s the quick rub, therapy will help you to think through your situations in life in a different manner. A good therapist will pull from several techniques and modalities of therapy to get you to see things about yourself you don’t see now.

My favorite word is the word insidious. The reason I like this word so much is not just because it is fun to say but because this word depicts some of the most difficult things in life to work on. Insidious means that something is inside of us, something we may even agree to (due to receiving poor information), and now we are in a cycle of poor behaviors and thus consequences that we cannot break free from because we are convinced these thoughts are who we are.

You are not your thoughts. You have thoughts, but they do not define you. They can start to define you if you indulge the thoughts and believe that the content of your thoughts is you. Thoughts are a secretion from the brain, just like the pancreas secretes bile. What kind of therapy would be helpful with this awareness? Well, I prefer a therapist who understands a mode of therapy called ACT. It stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

ACT is a mode of therapy that helps people do exactly as I am describing here today. People who study and utilize ACT can separate from their thoughts and act according to what they value in life. ACT helps us to identify that there is a person inside of us that agrees or disagrees with everything that our minds are taking in. You can see then how childhood affects this. In childhood, we form our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, and then we take those established and trusted beliefs and make decisions and conclusions about ourselves.

Certain modes of therapy will try to make you a victim, say it was your parent’s fault, etc. However, if you ever start to think you are a victim of circumstance or God is punishing you or whatever, you have to take back your power and claim responsibility for your part in any situation you are currently in. If you lack self-worth, what are you doing to challenge or sit with those thoughts? If you are struggling with acting impulsively, you must practice tolerance to emotions and thoughts. If you are struggling with how you view yourself, sit with yourself more, and be your parent to yourself more than your parents may have been. Your life is yours now, and you must take command of it. Not in the way of controlling everything, but in the way of learning how to live with things from the past, accepting they occurred and moving on stronger because of it. Do all of this in service to things you care about the most, and you will still experience pain, but it will be worth it because it's in accordance with your values. If you find your "why," then you can endure any "how." 

A good therapist will tell you that any success found in therapy is not because of the therapist but because of what you took away from sessions which is unique to you and only you. The therapist should merely listen, reflect, and provide new context but never give advice.