What steps should I take to eliminate my insecurities?

It is important to recognize your intent and motivation with relation to your actions and behaviors. Pay attention to your inner self and what helps you feel unique and special and good about who you are. It may be very helpful to identify the particular strengths you possess in your relationships and those especially related to you as a partner. Identify what is in your control and outside of your control as it relates to your relationships. Also, utilize positive affirmations to build your self-confidence and remind yourself of what you're doing well.

It is helpful that you recognize this barrier and that it is negatively impacting you and your intimate relationships. It is important to not only understand when your feelings are rooted in insecurity but why. Every behavior serves a purpose and behind almost all emotions are needs. Create space for yourself to find out what need is driving the behaviors that are specifically connected to feelings of insecurity and fear.

Oftentimes, our behaviors can be a mirror of conflict and defenses that help keep us safe mentally, physically, and emotionally. As it relates to insecurities, work on understanding how these insecurities are serving you. How do you benefit from them? How do you reinforce them or strengthen them? Observe and identify what triggers your insecurities? Additionally, explore what helps you to feel safe, loved, and supported. You can identify what makes you feel insecure, unsafe, unloved, and unsupported as well for comparison and build more self-awareness. 

You may also benefit from exploring what helps you to feel connected to others, as well as what intimacy looks and feels like for you. It will be beneficial to work on emotional processing and emotional regulation to help you counteract the thoughts and insecure feelings as they arise. Consistency and persistence will be huge factors in obtaining and maintaining the necessary coping skills to help you counteract maladaptive behaviors. Utilize journaling to monitor your thoughts and feelings, especially during the times when those insecure feelings show up. Think about what is happening before, during, and after the thoughts come up.