Why does someone keep self sabotaging themselves so that they lose everything they love?

Hello IA,

Our sense of self may be one of the most powerful things we individuals have agency over.  Although it stems from our childhood and how we absorb the world we see around us, it is exclusively our own.   

Our sense of self is actually our own responsibility and something that we get from others around us.  It is not something we are born with, but something we form and develop with the way we view the world and mostly the people around us.

Having said that, if the sense of self we have is not positive, WE are not positive. WE do not believe we are worthy or enough, something quite universal that so many of us deal with every day of our lives.

If we believe and feel worthy and positive, and think worthy and positive thoughts about ourselves, we choose to behave in ways that reflect this to the outside world.  

That makes sense, yes, because the feelings we have and thoughts we develop impact the behaviors we choose.

Conversely, if we feel a lot of negativity and inferiority about ourselves, we will ultimately display behaviors on the outside that reflect these feelings as well.

So the question you ask here would lead me to ask of you, what are some of the deeper, internal beliefs, feelings and thoughts you carry with you everyday, about yourself and who you are?

How do you truly feel about yourself TO yourself from the inside out?

I would ask you this question because if you can sit in stillness for a moment and breathe in with intention and focus to what lies inside of you, then you can see that what you hold deep within (whether we pay close attention to it or not) is something that eventually comes through... 

And sadly many times, we feel the frustration or anger or disappointment in our own selves, for making the choices we have, and do not seek a way to accept our imperfections of errors in judgment. We then act out (much as a child would) in behaviors that further show the negative "space" we are in.

I challenge you to breathe mindfully where you can actually feel the temperature of the breath and where in your body it travels ... focusing as much of your intention inward to some of what sits within (not without) you. To be able to see or feel that this way, is the first step in facing your own true self. If you can meet yourself here with compassion and forgiveness, you will be beginning the journey of self-acceptance which will over time and with practice,  help you find a place in which you are able to see how your partner can indeed, be true when he tells you that he loves you.

~ J