Why Happiness is a Choice?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
04/29/2021

Our Thoughts Control Our Feelings

Our feelings may seem at times like they appear out of nowhere, but the reality is that our thoughts control how we feel. It cannot be easy to recognize our thoughts, although therapy often addresses this. For example, if you tell yourself, “I’m a disappointment to my family. I can never get ahead,” these thoughts are probably not going to lead you to feel happiness. However, if you change the way you think, even if the situation remains the same, and tell yourself, “I’m proud of the accomplishments that I have made so far, and I know if I keep working hard, I will be more and more proud of myself,” you are at a much greater chance of experiencing happiness. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy are two treatment modalities that can be especially helpful at changing your thinking patterns (and thus, your feeling patterns).

Happiness Comes from Within

To understand how happiness comes from within, it may be most helpful to look at it in terms of understanding why someone who feels that they do not have control over their lives may be more likely to be unhappy. If you tell yourself that no matter what you do, something will come along and disrupt your progress, or that you cannot make your own decisions because you are incapable, or bad luck will always find you, etc., this is an example of having an external locus of control. (If you are interested in learning more about this, you may want to research the concept of learned helplessness, which is associated with Depression.) However, if you tell yourself that you are responsible for your success and failure, luck and coincidence play small roles in determining outcomes. You are capable of making good choices. You would have an internal locus of control. Having an internal locus of control does not mean that you are necessarily happy, but it does mean that you feel that you can be happy.

Taking an Inventory

A great way to track what makes you happy is to keep records as part of self-evaluation. On what days do you feel the happiest—are they days when you spend time with a friend, days you exercise, days that you complete an important task at work, etc.? Journaling can also help us become more aware of patterns associated with our behaviors connected with our thoughts and feelings. Again, the more you can recognize that happiness is a choice (while still recognizing that external factors, such as poverty or systemic racism, can add challenges), the more you can appreciate just how in control of your happiness you really are.

(MRC, LPCC-S, LICDC)