Will Happiness Find Me?

We are responsible for our own happiness, and we can achieve it. Our thoughts are responsible for our feelings, and so by changing our thoughts, we can change how we feel. Rather than waiting for happiness to find us, it will serve us better to find happiness.

Reframing Happiness

It can be helpful to determine for yourself what it means to be happy. What are the components for you of a happy life? We are all well aware of what gives us that temporary feeling of happiness—maybe it’s a food we like or a movie we enjoy or spending time with a loved one. But even those who get frequent satisfaction from activities or wealth do not always have chronic, lingering happiness. A person can find fulfillment without frequently experiencing short-term happiness, and a person can frequently experience short-term happiness and yet have never felt any sense of fulfillment or pride in their lives at all. The people who are truly the happiest are probably those who plan for the future, choosing delayed gratification (making decisions now that will benefit them later) rather than instant gratification (making decisions solely for immediate satisfaction).

Choosing Happiness

We tell ourselves about situations in our lives, rather than the situations themselves, to determine whether we can be happy or unhappy. For example, if two professional athletes who love their careers both experience the same career-ending injury, which could substantially change the financial future and the reputation of each player, one person could focus on what they do have, while the other could focus on what they do not have. One person could get themselves excited about new opportunities, while the other could resent the missed opportunities.

Making Changes

It is quite easy to stay stagnant, becoming, while not necessarily happy, somewhat comfortable in mediocre circumstances. Making changes, even ones that we know can benefit us in the long term, can be uncomfortable. We may stay in a job or relationship we no longer enjoy. We may keep postponing signing up for a community activity or postpone for years scheduling the vacation we have been looking forward to. When we accept that we are in control of our happiness, we become empowered to make decisions that, even if they seem frightening at the time and may bring us some temporary unease, can enable us to make decisions that result in long-term happiness.