How do I accept and allow good things to happen when I’m so used to disappointment?

Hi, thank you so much for asking your question and providing some follow-up details. I think it is a more common problem than you may expect - what you were describing about being hesitant to enjoy it when positive things happen to you because you were kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In working with clients in my time being a therapist and in the mental health field, I have noticed that a lot of clients seem to feel comfortable when they know what to expect and when certain things fall into a routine. That being said, when the routine changes, for example, like what you were talking about with more positive things rather than the negative you are used to your body can kind of go off kilter. I think this is partially due to stress, and even when positive things happen it can be stressful, because change in itself is difficult to cope with.

In fact, I think what may be going on with the cycle you described of not being able to enjoy the positive things has to do with change and knowing what to anticipate.  Our body can respond to stress, even positive stress, with not so wonderful results, such as fight, flight, or freeze. What helps with these reactions is reminding yourself that things will be temporary, and your actions depend on your emotions. I know that this is much easier said than done, and that some thing that we could really dive into if you are looking to be in therapy.

I agree with your statement that it's not fair that you have become so used to stress and disappointment that it is that normal for you. I don't know if any of your stress and disappointment involve trauma, but if it does, that could make it even more complicated. When someone has been through trauma they typically develop trauma responses, which can be hard to unlearn. However, it is not impossible to change your outlook, it simply takes a lot of time and effort and challenging of your thoughts.

Thank you for your time.