Ask a therapist > Stress > I guess I dont know where to start

I guess I dont know where to start

I have chronic anxiety over the future, finances, and my ability to live a comfortable life. I have a masters, so does my bf. I have a job that I enjoy, but know I can't do it forever. I struggle with compassion fatigue, healthcare is burning me out two years in...he has not been able to find a job. We try and try and he cant find anyone to give him a chance and it gives me horrific anxiety thinking about it because we try so hard and we cannot afford to move out because of finances. It's a constant cycle. I act as his therapist, because he cannot afford therapy even with aid, so he gets a lot of my empathy and sympathy and I don't know where to even begin to feel okay...

Asked by m

Stress

Anxiety

Answered

05/01/2022

Hi M ~

It sounds like you're dealing with many different issues here, many of which you named in your very question. The first being the cycle of anxiety, which can be challenging to break. It's important to note that there are evidence-based therapies that are helpful in reframing your thoughts and help to control that thought cycle that you referenced. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of them. It can be incredibly helpful in identifying the type thought patterns as well as how to replace a thoughts, among other skills that you can learn.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with some compassion fatigue. The past couple years has been very trying for so many people. Let alone those taking care of a majority of the population. I would imagine being in healthcare over the past couple years is a driving factor in that. I think burn out is a very common issue among healthcare providers as well as teachers and mental healthcare providers right now. Self-care is so important and therapy is a great way to help you figure out ways to fill yourself back up. But not only just to fill yourself back up but to do it in meaningful ways. When you consider the many domains of wellness that includes things like physical health, emotional health, and spiritual health. And I wonder if you were able to address these issues on a smaller scale on the day today. however I do understand that when you are already feeling burnt out it can be difficult to consider doing anything but it is important. And you are worth it.
I think you begin to feel OK by taking care of your needs. I do understand you wanting to take care of your boyfriend but that also is a slippery slope in terms of him not reaching out to other people if he's getting that emotional need met by you. It is challenging. But I also think that's when boundaries come in to play. Having good boundaries in terms of taking care of other people is a wonderful way to take care of yourself.
I wish you well M.. I hope this was a bit helpful for you.

~ Meg

Megan Keller