I was laid off from a job I LOVED and grew from the bottom up and now I feel totally lost.

Good evening, Dee! 

Wow, I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now.  So many changes in such a short period of time.  You are dealing with a lot of losses - a job you loved, recovery from surgery (hope you are doing well), placing a hold on buying a home and pursuing a family, and marriage.  I can understand the reason you feel like you have been hit hard and feel down and lost.

You ask about how you can move past this and worry about you and your spouse starting at the "for worse" place. 

• First, I would encourage you to stop for a moment and breathe.  Sometimes when things pile up on us, as with the challenges you have communicated, we forget to breathe and that we are capable of navigating and moving beyond these.  Pay attention to yourself. 
• Secondly, what do you have control over?  It is unfortunate that you were laid off at a time when you were working on buying a home and starting a family.  It does not mean these will not be opportunities again; it is just that right now they have been paused.  When we talk about control, we think about what we are able to impact and influence to function as we would like or to produce the outcomes we would prefer or be open to. 
• Lastly, I would imagine that you have encountered barriers before in your life.  I know you said that in the past you would have run and I would encourage you to think about those times you faced difficulty how you overcame it.  When you wanted to experience something other than the barrier or challenge before you what did you do instead?  What role did you play in diminishing this barrier or challenge? 

You have worked to get yourself to this place and you have done this with effort, determination, and hope.  Yes, you feel defeated and disappointed right now.  Yes, it seems hopeless at first glance.  I would encourage you to reset and think about what you and your spouse, together, are able to control and how the two of you can prioritize next steps.  Developing a plan and strategy to move forward may help with direction and focus. 

In the meantime, be kind to yourself.  Give yourself grace and self-compassion and notice that these setbacks are temporary.  Take care of you.