What can I do in order to not feel this much stress for things such as grades?

Thank you for your question and reaching out via the BetterHelp platform.

What can you do to not feel as much stress over exam grades? Being aware of what the grades you wanted, and why, would be my starting point. It sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure during exam season, and failing an exam can be really jarring and upsetting. I would begin by being curious about what failing the exam means for you, and what it is about the situation that has made it so stressful. Deadlines, exams, pressure to get decent grades all add to the pressure and stress, and when the people around us are also under stress (the other people taking the exam, teachers or lecturers) it can get a bit like an overwhelming cloud of negativity.

I find the language that you've used really interesting, calling the grades 'dumb'. Do you mean that feeling stressed about grades is a dumb thing to be stressed about, or, that the subject that you got the grade in and the exam process was dumb?

I can really get the sense of fear of disappointing your parents if you tell them that you've failed, however, you have said yourself that they probably won't care as much as you do. I wonder if the fear of telling them might be linked to the fear of admitting or acknowledging the result of the exam. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but there's something about saying something out loud, or in a message to family, that makes it real. It's out in the open now. Once the information is out there, we can't take it back. I don't know how your parents might react, but my primary concern is you, your stress and how you feel as a result of the situation.

I don't think anyone likes failing an exam, but, are there options to resit or try again in the near future? Could we explore what the impact of the grade would be on your overall grade? Acknowledging why we feel stressed about a situation, what it means to ourselves and the people around us can be really tricky and complicated and there might be a lot of layers that we might not have considered before.

I would recommend exploring the thoughts, feelings and beliefs around the grades, and perhaps work through what telling your parents would feel like, or look like, and how to move forward once the conversation has started.

I hope this helps. Thank you for your question and your time.

Best wishes, 
Jess