What does it mean when you love someone without there ever being anything between you?

Hello, I'm sorry you have been going through this. It sounds like it has been a lot.

Sometimes we have to let go of the past to move forward in the future. Some techniques to do that is identifying the situation, which you have already done. Then you validate how you feel, which you have already done. Then you look at the situation and acknowledge that you are consuming all of your time on negative energy. When we focus on negative energy and negative things it brings us down even more. Sometimes we can be very critical of ourselves and help keep ourselves stuck in life. You want to move forward, you want to have positive energy, you want to have good things happen. If you do what you have always done, you what you always got, so move forward. Focus on your diet, sleep, and exercise; focus on what you can do to move forward; recognize that sometimes we are going to do things and have things that happen in our lives that we are not proud of.

Sometimes we are grow spaces with people, sometimes we want relationships to work that are simply not going to work. Recognize that you forgive your younger self and you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. There is nothing you could've, would've, should've ever done any different because you did all that you could you knew all that you could. Sometimes we have to learn to let go and be uncomfortable to move forward to the present, recognize what you can control in life, and recognize your positive attributes. Look at the future, look at moving forward, find some things that bring you joy, and use those as your crutch in life to move forward. 

Sometimes what seems like it's going to be overwhelming and make you stuck is actually the very thing that helps you work through problems to move forward. Look at your support system, look at things that can help you in life. Our emotional regulation depends on how we identify and validate our feelings, and looking at the support system and looking at your strength of what you can do moving forward. Sometimes we don't get what we want in life, sometimes we do get hurt, and sometimes we just have to acknowledge that the situation simply wasn't going to work out in our favor. I know it is difficult. You need to praise yourself for your strength. Forgive your younger self for only doing the best you could with what you knew at the time with knowledge. People do change and you are not the same person you used to be and recognize that you are getting healthy for you. You were trying to move forward for you, and while she may never recognize that you recognize that, all you can do is move forward for you. Don't hang onto something that will never be because that will consume you into negativity and toxicity. 

Look at your future, look at what you can do, look at what you can control, and focus on the good things. Focus on your self care, focus on your hobbies, focus on what your strengths are and what you can do to move forward because we all can move forward when we look at the positive things that are going on in our life, looking at the opportunities that you have instead of trying to stay in the negative feedback arena. Focus on the positive feedback arena, the good things you have, your good qualities. I wish you the very best