Ask a therapist > Stress > What would be the beginning steps to solving over sharing and obsessive talking?

What would be the beginning steps to solving over sharing and obsessive talking?

I often struggle with oversharing, over talking, and over communicating with people that aren’t asking for it to the point where I will continue talking and try to drag a conversation on for as long as possible without the ability to stop. I will begin to annoy people and become hyperbolic to try to up the mood of the conversation when it goes low. Different people's conversations become difficult for me when the mood is low. I become very sensitive to a low mood or a dip in mood in the room or conversation, and become overly talkative and destructive in most conversations

Asked by Graham

Stress

Anxiety

Answered

10/19/2022

Thank you for putting yourself out there and asking your question. It sounds like there might be a few struggles goin on here: 1. reading social cues 2. being comfortable with silence and 3. being comfortable in social situations.

Understanding how to read a room socially can be hard, we often assume everyone wants the same amount of interaction as we do. There can be subtle cues that people show us with their body language, tone or physical actions. Being able to read these is important to knowing how to converse with a person.

Silence is often hard for many people. For some folks, silence and the least amount of social interaction is their comfort level. So if we notice that people are maybe a bit shy or reserved, we need to recognize this and respect it. When we do not respect their comfort levels with things, we are putting our needs over others. Finding coping strategies such as taking a break, going for a walk, mingling with another group can all be helpful with this. So you are ensuring your needs and the other person's needs are met.

Social situations can be uncomfortable for even the biggest social butterfly. Being able to label certain situations can be helpful. For example, we would still act professionally at a work event, compared to a friend/family event. At work events it would be appropriate to be more reserved than around friends and family. Then when around friends and family, it's helpful to learn to monitor ourselves to match the levels of those around us. If some loved ones enjoy joking and laughter, it is okay to be playful around them. We all have those relatives that maybe are a bit grumpy, knowing how to tone down around them is also important.

Try to find coping strategies that work for you. Many people find that physical exercise can help a lot with social situations. Others find that listening to music, singing, going for a drive etc is helpful. Dealing with any nervous anxious energy that is present is important. So making sure you have exerted enough energy before an event and finding what works specifically for you will be beneficial.

I wish you the best!

Mrs. Kerri Moll