Joseph Whitcomb, LMFT

About me

Joe Whitcomb, Relationship Society's BondFire Project Therapy:

I hail from the picturesque locales of Santa Monica and San Diego, California, and embarked on a unique journey that led me to Kyiv, Ukraine in June 2021. My original mission was to delve into the realm of trauma-informed mixed reality, with a particular focus on addressing trauma and relationships within the metaverse, primarily catering to military personnel, veterans, first responders, and trauma survivors. However, unforeseen circumstances such as the war have kept me engaged in trauma-informed humanitarian efforts. This endeavor is not just my profession but my profound passion. Currently, I find myself residing in the charming city of Nice, France.

My expertise lies in offering trauma-informed relationship psychotherapy services, utilizing a range of modalities that transition seamlessly from virtual reality experiences and video or telehealth therapy. These techniques are designed to foster secure and supportive conversations, particularly in the context of couples and families dealing with Complex-PTS and PTS (Trauma).

I have a penchant for working with couples, individuals, military personnel, veterans, first responders, and anyone who "Rage against the dying of the light" in the face of adversity. My therapeutic approach is marked by the integration of multidisciplinary theories, concepts, interventions, methods, and applications aimed at treating complex PTSD within the intricate dynamics of couples. I draw upon the best practices in PACT, Gottman Method, Imago Therapy, Real Life Therapy, Executive and Life Coaching, EMDR, and attachment-based Emotionally Focused Couple Trauma. My goal is to tailor these approaches to the unique needs and circumstances of each couple.

I firmly believe that well-being is inherently social, and by offering couples a shared context, tools, resources, and evidence-based trauma-informed research, we can effectively target the barriers that hinder them from realizing their true desires and forging deeper connections.

In the spirit of a Celtic saying, "We live in the shelter of each other," I recognize that no relationship is without its vulnerabilities. Partners must acknowledge these raw spots and engage in open, compassionate communication to draw closer to one another. Love, like a dance, involves tuning in, connecting, missteps, disconnection, repairs, and deeper connections. It's an ongoing process of meeting, parting, and finding one another anew, moment by moment and day by day.

When partners in distress no longer view each other as emotional safe havens, conflicts take on a deeper significance—they are desperate pleas to restore the eroding connection and reignite emotional engagement. Learning to love and be loved entails attuning to our own emotions and those of our partners. This empowers us to express our needs openly, eliciting compassion and support, and creating a secure foundation upon which both partners can rely.







Here Is What To Expect When You Work With Me

This will give you a sense of my guiding beliefs and my approach to working with couples.

What I Believe

• Couples are seeking connection. We want to feel that connection with each other, that aliveness, that excitement, that sense of well being. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual connection. It is what we feel when we first come together with someone and “fall in love”.
• Conflict is the motivating force for healing and growth in relationships. I believe the conflict couples experience after the “honeymoon period” of their relationship is actually necessary. Conflict points out where we don’t get our needs met. Unmet needs create a breakdown in connection, destroying passion and intimacy. Many couples don’t navigate this “power struggle” phase successfully and eventually break up or settle for a less than satisfying relationship.
• Connection requires Safety and Passion. We want the emotional safety to be ourselves, to be open and honest, to feel accepted and understood. With this safety, comes deep connection. From this nurturing environment, passion can arise and be sustained. I mean sexual passion, of course, and also, emotional passion. The freedom to be spontaneous, to express who we are, to be intimate and excited by our lives is also a key desire.
• Expressing and meeting your needs creates a healthy, passionate relationship. I will teach you to create the emotional safety which will allow you to recognize and express your needs consciously. From this place of safety and satisfied needs, a conscious, passionate relationship can develop.

Get Results
• You can learn how to connect again with your partner! You can share with each other on a deep, loving, meaningful level. You can feel heard and understood by your partner. You can learn to be more compassionate and empathic with them and they with you.
• You can have a passionate, exciting sex life with your partner! You can spontaneously express your feelings towards your partner through your lovemaking.
• You can feel good about yourself and your relationship again! You can know your needs, share them with your partner and together you can help each other to meet those needs! You can respect and cherish each other and treat each other and your relationship with that deep caring and nurturing.
• You can recapture that playfulness, that innocence, that pure joy of being together that you once had! You can tap into and recreate those wonderful, idyllic moments you once shared and have them available to you once again!
• You can reignite the passion of your relationship! You can remove the baggage that has weighed you down and be lifted into a new romance, a new love, a new depth that you have always wanted and you will be able to sustain it.

What Working With Me Is Like
• You’ll learn skills, tools and exercises to help your relationship. My ultimate task is to put myself out of a job. I want you to be able to be responsible for your relationship and have the skills to make it the best it can possibly be.
• I’ll expect you to practice between sessions. The majority of the work takes place between our sessions. The results you receive will be in direct proportion to the work you put into this process. I’m committed to doing everything in my power to help you in your relationship. I expect the same from you.
• I’ll shoot straight with you. I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I’m not afraid to take charge of our sessions. I won’t collude with you in the sustaining the unhealthy parts of your relationship. I’ll hold you accountable to your goals and our mutual agreements and for creating the relationship vision that you desire so strongly to create.
• I’ll help “translate” between you and your partner. This is something I’ve had a great deal of practice at, and I’m really good at it. I can speak your language, whether intellectual or emotional, whether masculine or feminine, whether verbal or non-verbal. It’s one of my greatest gifts as a couples’ therapist.
• My job is to keep you emotionally safe and secure while you do the work. I take that very seriously. Couples are generally not very comfortable with the process of beginning couples work. They are airing all of their issues in front of a total stranger. There can be a lot of finger pointing and blaming, criticizing and condemning. I don’t allow that. We’ll create a space where you can be honest AND kind and loving. Developing intimacy requires the freedom to be open and vulnerable, which requires safety.
• We’ll laugh and have fun. This is serious work, and needs to be balanced with a sense of humor. I’m professional, yet relaxed and easy-going. I’m flexible, creative and out-of-the-box. I’ll do my best to set you at ease and have you be as comfortable as you can be through this challenging, yet rewarding process.

The Bottom Line
I believe that I can help you to have a better relationship, that is more passionate, more intimate, more romantic, more sensual.


BIOGRAPHY: 

Qualifications & Experience

I have been counseling and training informally for 25 years and formally for 20 years. I served in my church as a marriage and family ministry leader, educator and mentor for 20 years and as a professional, licensed marriage and family therapist for 15 years.

I did my training for a B.S. in psychology with an emphasis in neuropsychology with University of Maryland, B.S. in Organizational Management with University of Phoenix, Masters in Clinical Psychology with an Emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy with Pepperdine University, and all but dissertation for Doctorate in Psychology in Marriage and Family Therapy with The Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

My clinical practicum and internship was with La Vie Christian Counseling in Pasadena and Santa Monica, and Turning Point Christian Counseling in Pasadena. I also trained in Christian Counseling with Gary Smalley, Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Emerson Eggerichs for Christian Marriage and Relationship Therapy.

My other training and certifications include:

Certificate in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
Gottman Level I and II
Certified Gottman Educator
Certified in EMDR
Certified in PTSD and Trauma Therapy
Certified in Couples Intensives with Smalley Institute
Certified and trained in Dynamic Marriage
Certified and trained in Love and Respect Couples Intensives with Emerson Eggerichs
Certified and trained in Cloud and Townsend
Certified as a facilitator and trainer in SYMBIS (Save Your Marriage Before It Starts) with Les and Leslie Parrot
Certified and trained as a Facilitator and Trainer for Prepare and Enrich
Certified in Christian Marriage, Couples and Relationship Intensives with Sharon Morris May

Professional experience

Additional areas of focus: Stress, Anxiety, Addictions, Grief, Parenting issues, Self esteem, Career difficulties, Depression, Coping with life changes, Coaching, Compassion fatigue, Abandonment, Antisocial Personality, Attachment issues, Avoidant Personality, Blended Family Issues, Codependency, Commitment Issues, Communication problems, Control issues, Coping with Natural or Human-Caused Disaster, Dependent Personality, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD), Dissociation, Divorce and separation, Domestic Violence, Emptiness, Expats, Family of Origin Issues, Family Problems, Fatherhood Issues, First Responder Issues, Forgiveness, Guilt and shame, Impulsivity, Infidelity, Isolation / loneliness, Jealousy, Life purpose, Men's issues, Midlife crisis, Military and Veterans Issues, Mood disorders , Panic disorder and panic attacks, Personality Disorders, Phobias, Post-traumatic stress, Process addiction (porn, exercise, gambling), Self-love, Sex Addiction, Sexual Assault and Abuse, Social anxiety and phobia, Somatization, Traumatic Brain Injury, Women's issues, Workplace issues, Young Adult Issues

Clinical approaches: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Attachment-Based Therapy, Client-Centered Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Existential Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Gottman Method, Imago Relationship Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, Somatic Therapy, Trauma-Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems

License information

CA LMFT 51093

Reviews

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