Exploring The Love Languages: What Is “Quality Time”?
There are a variety of ways to express love and affection for the people who are important to us. Some individuals feel more fulfilled or satisfied when they receive affection in one format over another, which is the basis of the concept of love languages. While love languages can be applied to relationships of all kinds, we’ll talk about it primarily in the context of romantic partnerships here. Read on to find out more about love languages, what the “quality time” love language is, and how this concept could help you strengthen your bond with your partner.
What are the five love languages?
The concept of love languages was introduced by Gary Chapman in his 1992 book. The concept is simple: He posits that each person has certain ways of receiving affection that make them feel more loved or cared for than other methods. He introduced five different love languages along with a theory that most people will gravitate toward one or two more than the others—and that relationships can be happier and more fulfilling when people show love to others in their preferred or primary language. The five love languages are as follows:
- Words of affirmation. This love language involves offering words of praise and reassurance, such as compliments, saying “I love you,” or sharing what you appreciate about someone.
- Acts of service. A person who prefers to receive love through acts of service might feel most cared for when their partner engages in helpful gestures, such as fixing the sink, taking out the trash, or making them a coffee.
- Receiving gifts. People who prefer this love language enjoy getting physical or visual tokens of appreciation from their partner, which could range from a piece of jewelry to a homemade card to a stone or a seashell that made their partner think of them.
- Physical touch. The love language of physical touch means showing your partner you care for them through physical contact, which could include things like hugs, cuddling, kisses, or a touch on the shoulder or the waist as they pass by.
- Quality time. Finally, the love language of quality time means enjoying an activity of some kind with your partner, whether it’s catching up about your day over dinner or sharing a special outing to a concert or a park.
Many people can point to the love language that resonates most with them simply from reading the descriptions, though there are quizzes online that can help you decide as well. Knowing your and your partner’s primary love languages can help strengthen your bond by empowering you both to make the other person feel loved in the ways they prefer. One study of heterosexual couples even suggests that those who prioritize showing love in the manner that their partners prefer to receive it tend to have higher relationship satisfaction than those who don’t consider this factor.
Exploring the importance of quality time
You might think it obvious that quality time is important in all relationships—but especially in today’s fast-paced, technology-driven world, carving out quality time with your partner can be more difficult than one might think. True quality time requires intentionality, being attentive to your partner, avoiding distractions like smartphones, and engaging in active listening. Quality time could look like connected conversations, outings that you both enjoy, or any other moments you can share together.
So why is it that some people prefer quality time over the other love languages? It may have to do with feeling prioritized and paid attention to. Your partner arranging an activity for the two of you or simply asking about your day and giving their full attention to your response might remind you that they care about how you’re doing and that they genuinely want to spend time connecting and bonding.
Tips for showing love to a partner who prefers quality time
There are many ways to spend quality time with a partner that can enrich your relationship and deepen your bond. Quality time does not have to be something you spend money on, although it can involve that. It simply needs to be time you specifically designate to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Some tips for making the most of quality time with a partner who identifies with this love language include:
- Be intentional. Showing your partner love in their preferred language doesn’t have to be a major event each time, but being intentional about fitting it into your shared schedule regularly is typically a must. If your quality time together always feels unplanned or like an afterthought, your partner may not feel as cared for.
- Avoid distractions.“Phubbing” is a term that refers to “ignoring your partner in favor of your phone,” and recent research links a higher frequency of phubbing to decreased marital satisfaction and increased distrust and ostracism in relationships. Remembering to put your phone away and devote your full attention to your partner can help enhance the quality time you spend together.
- Keep your word. If you frequently cancel your plans for quality time with your partner, they’re unlikely to feel very cared for by the gesture. If you arrange date nights or outings, make sure to keep your word as often as possible to show that you’re committed to them feeling loved and that you truly want to spend time together.
- Show affection regularly. Love languages are intended to be used frequently as reminders of your affection for your partner. Life gets busy, so making sure to regularly schedule quality time together can be important for building trust and helping your partner feel consistently cared for.
Finally, remember that everyone may have a slightly different idea of what might constitute quality time with a partner. Finding out what quality time means to your partner through open communication and active listening can help equip you to show love to them in a way that they’ll find meaningful.
How therapy can help
Being able to engage in a healthy, satisfying relationship with another person usually requires some skill-building over time. For example, learning how to identify and advocate for your needs, set boundaries, communicate openly, and empathize with another’s needs can take time, patience, and intentionality. If you’re looking for support in building any such relationship skills, you might consider speaking to a therapist. They can help you sharpen your abilities and learn more about yourself and your needs in relationships of all kinds.
If you’re focused on prioritizing quality time with your partner, optimizing your schedule can be helpful. For example, you could attend therapy sessions online from the comfort of home rather than commuting to in-person sessions each week. If you’re interested in virtual therapy, you might consider a platform like BetterHelp. You can get matched with a licensed provider who you can speak with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person care in many cases, so you can generally pick whichever format works best for you.
Takeaway
The love languages refer to methods of showing affection to someone you care about. According to the original theory, each person has a “language” in which they prefer to receive affection. Having the “quality time” love language means you feel most cared for when your partner intentionally prioritizes spending time with you, whether that’s having a deep conversation on the couch or enjoying an outing together. If your partner’s love language is quality time, being intentional, avoiding distractions, and keeping your word can help you maximize the care they feel from your time together.
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