How To Build A Healthy Relationship That Supports Your Mental Health

Building a healthy relationship full of love and respect may not always come naturally to everyone. According to the Pew Research Center, many individuals report difficulty dating and finding healthy connections. Navigating relationship ups and downs may take a toll on your mental health, and you may feel pressured to find a romantic partner.

How do I create a healthy relationship?

However, developing a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time may require commitment and perseverance, as well as a healthy respect for each other’s feelings once the honeymoon phase is in the past. Studies also indicate that commitment, love, and respect may not be enough if healthy communication is not present. 

Every relationship can experience challenges, but it may be valuable to recognize when a relationship is complicated and unhealthy. Unhealthy relationships can present in many forms: 

• If you and your partner struggle with honest communication, you may find it hard to trust one another, leading you to live secret lives. 
• Some couples may be codependent, isolating themselves from other close relationships in their lives. 
• Frequent patterns of lying or cheating may demonstrate a lack of commitment to the relationship and can lead to jealousy or mistrust. 
• Relationships involving emotional or physical abuse may be characterized by threatening, manipulative, or controlling behavior. * 

To start a new relationship on a positive note, you may want to partner with someone you already respect and appreciate. Respect in a relationship can be key to longevity. As your relationship develops, focus on building love and respect to help you develop a healthy partnership characterized by trust and intimacy.

*If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

What is love?

Love may feel intuitive. However, it is a complex emotion that's been extensively researched by psychologists and neurologists alike. Several notable psychologists have developed theories to explain love and what it means in our lives, while neuroscience researchers have examined some of the physical impacts of love: 

• Sigmund Freud described true love as finding your "ego ideal," a substitute for one's perfect image of oneself. 
• More recently, Robert Sternberg devised the triangular theory of love, which posits that intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment are the three primary components of the emotion. 
• Neuroscientists have examined how hormones, including oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine, influence our ability to trust our partners and experience pleasure.
• Researchers have also linked these positive benefits of love with beneficial physical effects, including stress reduction and boosted motivation and overall well-being.

Regardless of what the science says, many people have some idea of what love looks like to them. Finding love may not be only about finding the right person for you but also choosing to act in a way that helps love grow in the relationship.

What is respect?

Respect is not just a feeling, it's a behavior. Your respect for your partner may be demonstrated in how you act and express yourself about and towards them. Utmost respect for each other, even when the other person is not around, is one of the signs of power couples.

To love and respect a person means that you deeply admire their abilities, treasure their qualities, and appreciate their achievements. When you feel respect for someone, you may naturally show them kindness, courtesy, and consideration. Respecting someone could also mean appreciating their differences and accepting them as they are, even if you disagree with them on certain matters. Additionally, respect can refer to knowing when and how to give someone space, meaning respect in a partnership may involve knowing and respecting your partner’s boundaries. 

Respect is often essential in all human relationships but may be especially vital in romantic partnerships. When you and your partner respect each other, you can create a healthy relationship in which you can both mature and thrive.

How to develop respect in your relationship

If you find it difficult to respect your partner, there may be steps you can take to help improve your relationship. Being a respectful partner means focusing on your partner's unique combination of abilities, achievements, and personal qualities.

• Be observant. Try to take note of the unique ways your partner behaves and their individual accomplishments. Paying attention to what makes them who they are can help you rediscover your respect for them.
• Appreciate your partner. You may have a mental image of who you expect your perfect partner to be, but focusing on that idea may not help you build love and respect for your actual partner. Try to appreciate your partner and accept them for who they are, instead of wishing they were different. 
• Communicate respect. Communicate your respect for your partner by telling them how you feel, respecting their feelings, committing to healthy behaviors, and expressing their love language when possible. Don’t just hear, but really listen to what your partner has to say. Spending time talking to one another, learning about each other’s ideas and opinions, and showing interest in your partner’s friends and family can help you understand them as a whole person and build a lasting relationship.
• Treat your partner as valuable. Appreciate the tangible value your partner brings to your life as well as who they are aside from their accomplishments. Every day, let them know that you respect them through words of affirmation, even when they aren't doing anything for you.
• Choose respectful actions. Showing your respect for your partner may look like making time for them, honoring their individual choices, and refusing to engage in verbally or physically abusive behaviors. Choosing to show respect can help your partner feel safe and loved.

Learning these new thought and behavior patterns may be challenging, but you don't have to work through this challenge alone. A therapist may be able to help you build a more respectful love relationship.

How relationships can impact your mental health

Relationships and mental health are often intricately intertwined. Strong positive relationships may reduce stress and symptoms of depression like loneliness or isolation. Conversely, unhealthy relationships characterized by negative social interactions may increase your risk of developing depression or anxiety.

Living with an underlying mental health challenge, like social anxiety disorder or mood disorders, may make it challenging to meet a romantic partner or sustain a healthy romantic relationship. Side effects from mental health medications may also impact your desire for intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Whether you are single, married, or looking for a relationship, getting treatment for mental health symptoms may improve all of your relationships, not just romantic ones. Therapy might help provide you with coping mechanisms to reduce your symptoms while supporting the development of new healthy relationships. If your mental health symptoms stem from past or current relationship trauma, therapy can help you process your experience and move forward.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Are relationship challenges taking a toll on your mental health?

Connect with a relationship therapist online

Therapy for relationship skills 

Even if you are not in a romantic relationship, you may still benefit from relationship therapy. Couples and single individuals alike can receive emotional support and build valuable relationship skills through counseling. 

You may try online therapy if you and your partner live apart or have busy lives that make it difficult to find time to attend counseling together. Online therapy allows you to find a time that works best for you.  

Additionally, research shows that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy in treating many mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety related to relationship challenges. Whether you are single or in a relationship, online therapy may help you work through mental health difficulties and develop tools and coping strategies to increase your capacity for self-respect and showing respect to others. With these skills, you can build a robust romantic partnership in the future.

If you're ready to begin, consider signing up for an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Whether you're looking to work on personal behaviors or discuss your emotions with a partner, you can choose from a wide variety of counselors specializing in several areas of mental health.