What Is The Difference Between Envy And Jealousy?
If you go up to five different people and ask them what it means to be jealous, chances are that everyone will give you a different answer. Ask them next what it meant to be envious, and those five people might look at you puzzled, wondering, "Well, what is the meaning of envy if it's not the same as jealousy?" If you’re having trouble figuring out the main difference is between these emotions, you’re not alone.
Envy and jealousy are common emotions that most people experience at some point or another. However, they can often touch on sensitive aspects of our self-esteem and relationships, potentially leading to negative feelings and behaviors if not managed properly.
Here, we’ll differentiate between these emotions, explore their impact, and offer some tips for managing them in a healthy, adaptive way.
Envy versus jealousy: Understanding the difference
Although the words envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, they have distinct definitions. Envy generally refers to wanting something that someone else has, while jealousy typically involves someone that may threaten something you already have.
The semantic ambiguity of the word jealousy may be the reason for the confusion; often, when someone describes a time when they felt jealous, they may actually be describing envy. Let’s explore these concepts in greater depth.
Understanding envy
Envy is an emotion characterized by feelings of discontent, longing, or covetousness regarding someone else's advantages, achievements, possessions, or qualities. It can arise when we desire something that someone else has—whether it be their success, talent, or material possessions—without necessarily wishing harm upon the other person.
Envy is often the result of an upward social comparison; that is, comparing oneself to someone who is perceived to be better off or superior in some way. This can lead to feelings of inferiority or insecurity over not having what the other person has. It's a common human emotion, and, while it can motivate us to aspire for more, it can also lead to feelings of inferiority, resentment, and even hostility towards the object of envy.
Benign vs. malicious envy
Benign envy and malicious envy represent two distinct reactions to the same emotion. Benign envy, while still rooted in the desire for something another person has, motivates positive action and self-improvement without wishing ill on the other person. It can serve as a catalyst for personal growth, encouraging us to work harder or smarter to achieve similar success.
On the other hand, malicious envy is characterized by bitterness and a desire not only to possess what the other has, but also to see the other person lose their advantage. This form of envy can lead to negative behaviors and harm relationships, as the envious person may engage in gossip, sabotage, or other actions aimed at undermining the envied person's success.
Recognizing the difference between these two types of envy is crucial for channeling the emotion in a way that is constructive rather than destructive.
Jealousy
Jealousy is an emotion that typically arises in the context of relationships, characterized by fear, concern, or insecurity over a perceived threat to a valued relationship or loss of attention or affection to someone else.
While envy typically only involves two people, jealousy usually involves three: the individual who feels jealous, the person to whom they are emotionally attached, and the perceived rival or threat. Jealousy can manifest in various forms, including romantic relationships, friendships, and even professional settings.
Jealousy is often linked to insecurity or low self-esteem and can be triggered by real or imagined threats to the relationship. It may prompt behaviors aimed at protecting the relationship, but, if not managed properly, it can also lead to negative outcomes such as anger, anxiety, and destructive behavior. Jealousy highlights the importance of trust, security, and communication in maintaining healthy relationships.
Pathological jealousy
Pathological jealousy, often referred to as morbid or delusional jealousy, is an extreme form of jealousy that can severely impact a person’s life and relationships. This condition is characterized by an irrational and persistent belief that one's partner is being unfaithful without any substantial evidence to support such claims.
It goes beyond normal jealousy, leading to obsessive behaviors, constant surveillance, and questioning of the partner, potentially escalating to verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse. Addressing pathological jealousy often requires professional intervention, including therapy, to work through underlying issues and to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Impact on behavior and relationships
Both envy and jealousy, when intense and poorly managed, can lead to negative outcomes. Envy can push individuals into a cycle of constant comparison and dissatisfaction, potentially leading to strained relationships and even destructive behavior aimed at undermining others. Jealousy, particularly if based on unfounded fears, can create a climate of suspicion and resentment, damaging relationships.
Conversely, recognizing and addressing these emotions constructively can enhance personal growth and strengthen relationships. It involves developing self-awareness, fostering open communication, and building self-esteem to mitigate the insecurities that often underlie envy and jealousy.
Moreover, understanding that these emotions are natural responses to perceived threats or imbalances can help individuals approach them with more empathy and less judgment, both towards themselves and others.
Tips for managing envy and jealousy
Managing envy and jealousy involves self-awareness, communication, and strategies to foster personal growth and improve relationships. Here are some tips to help:
- Recognize and acknowledge your feelings: Being honest with yourself about feeling envious or jealous is the first step toward managing these emotions. Understand that it's a common human experience and doesn't make you a bad person.
- Reflect on the underlying causes: Try to identify what triggers your feelings. Is it insecurity, fear of loss, or feelings of inadequacy? Understanding the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
- Practice gratitude: Focus on what you have rather than what you lack. Keeping a gratitude journal can shift your perspective and reduce feelings of envy and jealousy.
- Improve self-esteem: Work on building your self-confidence and self-worth. Recognize your own achievements and qualities, and engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself.
- Communicate your feelings: In relationships, open and honest communication about your feelings can help alleviate jealousy. Discussing your insecurities without accusing the other person can lead to understanding and reassurance.
- Set boundaries and trust: Work on establishing trust in your relationships. Setting healthy boundaries can also help manage feelings of jealousy.
- Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend or a professional can provide perspective and coping strategies. Sometimes, external validation and advice can be incredibly beneficial.
- Focus on personal growth: Use your feelings of envy or jealousy as motivation to improve yourself or your situation. Setting personal goals and achieving them can boost your self-esteem and reduce these negative emotions.
By applying these strategies, you can manage envy and jealousy in a healthy way, leading to personal growth and stronger, more secure relationships.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing delusions or intense feelings of jealousy or envy, you can reach out for advice and begin talking to someone today.
Online therapy may help you work through jealousy and envy
If you experience envy or jealousy more often than you’d like, therapy may be effective in managing and preventing these emotions from affecting your relationships with others. If traditional face-to-face therapy isn’t convenient for you, you may wish to consider online therapy, which often has more flexible scheduling options and can be done from anywhere with an internet connection.
Jealousy and envy may be linked to stress or anxiety. One study showed that online therapy could be particularly effective when used to treat symptoms of these issues. By addressing the underlying causes and helping individuals develop healthy coping strategies, online therapy can contribute to improved emotional well-being and better interpersonal relationships.
Takeaway
In the course of our lives, we may encounter various examples of jealousy and envy, both of which can impact our relationships and personal well-being. To feel jealous often means to feel threatened, due to the fear of losing something or someone we cherish. On the other hand, envy arises when we desire to achieve or possess something another person has, such as success or material possessions. Understanding the difference between these emotions can help us better navigate our feelings and relationships.
Most people occasionally experience envy and jealousy, but these emotions can become unhealthy if they become uncontrollable or cause harm. Online therapy may be beneficial if you find it challenging to manage feelings of jealousy or envy.
What is the danger of being envious?
Casting an envious eye can sometimes come with unintended consequences. Envy is a hostile emotion involving feelings of inferiority, frustration, and resentment. It can lead to personal feelings of shame due to unpleasant social comparisons, which has the potential to undermine relationships with friends, family, and coworkers severely.
Envy not only harms social relationships, it can significantly hamper physical health. Envy increases negative feelings, which is associated with a significant reduction in overall well-being. While everyone is envious sometimes, chronic envy may significantly reduce physical and mental health by reducing positive social interactions, introducing shameful social comparisons, and reducing health-supporting behavior.
What makes people envious?
Evidence suggests that envy is a painful reaction to an unflattering social comparison. When one person perceives another who has something they want for themselves, it can create intense hostility, frustration, and resentment. The evidence further suggests that envy is the most profound when the social comparison is made between another person of similar social standing.
For example, imagine a mid-level manager in a large company. If they see another employee of a similar rank and position with something they want for themselves - like a bigger office or nicer car - they are likely to feel envy. In contrast, if the person sees someone of a substantially higher position, like the CEO, with something they want for themselves, they are not as likely to feel envy.
What happens when you are envious?
When people express envy, they are likely experiencing an unfavorable social comparison with someone they consider similar to themselves. For example, imagine two employees with similar positions in a large organization. If one employee has a large office, expensive car, or other perks of success, the other employee may become envious. In contrast, the lower-ranked employee is less likely to feel envious if the person holds a substantially higher position, like a C-suite executive.
Ultimately, how a person responds to envy likely depends on whether the envy is malicious or benign. The word “envious” traces its roots back to the Latin invidiosus, one translation of which is “arousing hatred.” Indeed, envy is commonly considered a hostile emotion that can significantly affect overall well-being. However, envy can also be a constructive force, which is typically the case with benign envy.
Those experiencing malicious envy are more likely to harm others to achieve their goals and are less likely to display prosocial behavior overall. In contrast, those experiencing benign envy are likely to experience an increase in motivation resulting from envy to correct the undesired social comparison.
How does envy affect your life?
Envy is commonly considered a hostile emotion frequently detrimental to overall well-being, which is true in many cases. However, evidence suggests that envy can also serve as a powerful motivator and may help people identify strategies that move them closer to their goals. When envy motivates, it is commonly referred to as benign envy.
Contrasting benign envy is malicious envy, which is associated with adverse effects on the person experiencing it and those around them. Envy can substantially lower the quality of social relationships and is linked to an increased risk of developing depression. It can also lead to fewer health-promoting behaviors and worse physical health overall. Envy may harm social relationships by lowering prosocial behaviors - actions that help others - and increasing antisocial behaviors - actions that harm others.
How does envy affect others?
Envy is associated with lower-quality social relationships and a reduction in prosocial behavior, which are actions that help other people. An envious person is more likely to harm others to achieve their goals, and evidence suggests that envy is associated with Machiavellian and antisocial behaviors, both of which are associated with the Dark Triad of personality.
Machiavellianism is characterized by a tendency to manipulate others to achieve a goal, and antisociality is frequently associated with a callous and impulsive disregard for the feelings of others. These traits can have substantial adverse effects on other people and likely contribute to the lowered quality of interpersonal relationships.
Why should we not envy others?
Conventional wisdom suggests that envy is harmful to oneself and others. The word “envy” dates back to the Middle English period, nearly seven centuries ago, when it appeared in a version of the Bible. Envying is also likely similar to the biblical “coveting,” such as in the 10th commandment: “Thou shalt not covet.” It is likely that moral conceptions of envy date thousands of years, perhaps even to prehistory.
Over the ages, moral leaders have connected envy with antisocial behaviors like greed, manipulation, and exploitation. Envy is also known to have an adverse effect on a person’s own health and well-being, as well as those around them. It is associated with lower-quality social relationships and an increased likelihood of depression. In contrast, expressing gratitude and pity - two emotions that oppose envy - is associated with an increase in overall well-being.
Are envious people insecure?
Envy likely results from unfavorable social comparisons, when a person believes that someone else has something they want or that the other person does not deserve what they have. Social comparisons are associated with insecurity and lowered self-esteem; envy likely correlates with a poor self-image. Some of the best advice for managing envy involves strategies that directly improve self-esteem, like focusing on self-improvement, gratitude, and positivity.
How do you deal with envious people?
An envious person can seriously harm those around them. A person experiencing envy is more likely to disregard the well-being of others while pursuing their goals and may be willing to manipulate or exploit them to compete with another person’s success. An envious look may initiate an envious attack, including insults, excessive bragging, sarcasm, or other strategies that make another person feel bad about themselves.
Surviving an envy attack likely comes down to disregarding what the attacker is doing to minimize you. Don’t rise to their insults and return criticism; the person is trying to rattle you. You may also want to remind yourself that you don’t need to apologize for your success or good fortune because someone else feels you don’t deserve it.
How do you manage envy?
The concept of envy has existed for thousands of years, represented in the old French “envieus” and the Anglo-Norman “envius.” Moral and spiritual leaders have espoused the importance of managing envy for centuries, and letting it go unchecked may significantly impact mental and physical well-being.
Managing envy is generally best accomplished by focusing on you as an individual first, then focusing on the situation causing envy. One type of envy, often called “benign envy,” is not associated with many adverse outcomes and may serve as a powerful motivator. However, its counterpart, malicious envy, is more common and substantially more harmful. If you’re feeling significant frustration, insecurity, or resentment due to envy, here are a few things you can try:
- Use decisive language. Try to reframe the situation that is causing your envy as one where you are in charge. For example, instead of framing yourself as the victim and saying, “I’ve been mistreated,” try to use language that puts you in control, like “What have I learned from this situation that can bring me closer to my goals?”
- Count your strengths. Take note of the positive things in your life, such as your accomplishments and strengths. Envy can cloud the good things in your life, and expressing gratitude for a personal blessing may make envious feelings less burdensome.
- Seek feedback for improvement. You may want to work with others to help you achieve your desired goal. Remember to focus on yourself and not on whatever is causing your envy. Consider seeking feedback and guidance from others to help you identify self-improvement goals that will take you closer to success.
Does envy cause jealousy?
Envy and jealousy are commonly treated as synonyms in daily conversation, but they are distinct and different feelings. Envy is commonly defined as a perceived lack of something of value, while jealousy is a response to a perceived loss of something of value. For example, a person who sees their coworker with a new luxury car and wants the same for themselves is likely experiencing envy, while a person who becomes anxious when their romantic partner interacts with an attractive person is likely experiencing jealousy.
Envy and jealousy can occur together, but jealousy is caused by a threat of loss rather than a desire for something of high value. Therefore, jealousy can occur without envy or a desire for something the person does not have, although the two emotions may feel difficult to distinguish.
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